Diary: Day 15-17 – A Walk on Water

Sometimes life is a whirlpool of challenges. Sometimes you handle the circumstances that you are in better than other times. Sometimes the circumstances you are in drown you.  Drown the sound of God. The sound of reason. Sometimes you just have to let go and go with the flow.

While everything seems bleak and dark. I know that God is in control of my life and that with time, patience and persistence I will hear from God again. But I can’t always be strong.. I can’t always be expected to be strong. In my weakness God will make me strong. In my red-zone area God will teach me things. But I will only see that at a later date..

I am not a lost cause despite what people might think. I don’t need to go on anti-depressants despite what people think. I am going through challenging emotions but I am not depressed. Maybe burnt out yes. But it is natural. Things have been tough over the last month or so. Yet I know that God will get me through this in his time, when he knows that I am ready.

Anti-depressants will not fix my emotional turmoil. Better is counseling in tandem with spiritual renewal. I got through major trauma (losing my son) without pills. I went for counseling and spent daily time with the Lord. Healing does occur. Pills are not the answer to emotional or spiritual problems. A pill simply cannot fix an emotional problem. It just hides the symptoms. It buries them and does not free you.

I am broken. But then who isn’t? We all experience brokenness to various degrees. But we are broken and we can take this brokenness to the cross. And when we are in that vulnerable state we need patience, love, support and encouragement from people around us. Not judgement. Not criticisms given in forceful manners. We need grace and love.

I am broken and definitely not a lost cause. I am not ashamed of my brokenness. I am not ashamed of my brokenheart. I am who I am. It’s up to you to accept me for who I am.


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