The word ‘God’s Redeeming Victory’ keeps coming to my mind over the past two weeks or so. So, much has happened and I am so thankful to our Heavenly Father for carrying me through the really difficult moments. Moments I thought would not end. Split seconds where I thought it would end the same way as it did so long ago with my first born son. God moved powerfully in only what I can call a miracle and I am satisfied, happy, words escape me with regards to how I feel. It is indescribable the love that I feel and the healing that is taking place inside my heart.
Ten days ago my whole world changed when I met Sebastian’s brother Ezra Malachi and heard his first cry. Music to my ears – it sounded so very beautiful and was very special as I was never able to hear Sebastian cry. There was only silence and a deep sadness when Sebastian was born. But there was dancing and joy when Ezra came into our lives. The first peek from Ezra’s tiny curious eyes searching my face, probably wondering at the abrupt entrance into this big wide world. His dad gently kissing us both in a moment of overwhelming emotion that can only be described as indescribable. A father’s love. Peace inside our hearts.
Up to that point it was a roller coaster ride. Peace seemed to allude us. The pregnancy was a challenge – the uncertainty of not knowing what the outcome would be. Would he come out alive or would Ezra be born sleeping like his older brother Sebastian. The team around me were phenomenal pushing me to keep going even when I couldn’t bare to keep going. So very grateful to the team and to my husband for helping me, even when the anxiety was over riding my every thought and I was not really able to be still in the presence of God. Though I did try. It was hard. The last week was the most taxing of them all. Stuck inside with COVID. Unable to get regular check ups because of this. Ended up going for a routine monitoring session in the end and was asked to stay in. Born 5 weeks early. Strong and healthy. Though needing a bit of extra special care and attention. Our boy is now 10 days old and thriving. Ezra means God will help/helper. It also means God protects. Malachi means God’s messenger. We love our boy so very much. He brings so much joy to our hearts. I can’t imagine life without Ezra in it. His little personality already coming out and brings so much joy to our hearts.
I feel that this is God’s redeeming victory because it feels the circumstances around Ezra’s birth are so similar to Sebastian’s birth yet, they diverge at a certain point and they become each their own story of God’s power amidst the struggle of daily life. It is God that shows us a way out of the wilderness on how to love again. Though emotions are like the sea that ebb and flow – God’s constancy is there with us teaching us on how to keep going when we are faced with the impossible becoming possible.
I’m truly very grateful to both my sons. Sebastian for making me a Mama and teaching me that in the face of difficulty we keep moving forward, keep persevering and we keep those that mean the world to us close to our heart. Ezra for teaching me how to love again and to be a Mama once more – when I thought it would no longer be possible. Ezra has pushed his little life into my hands wanting all the love he can get and I can’t help but keep on loving him. We praise God for this wonderful miracle in our lives and are truly very grateful for this wonderful gift that we have received. Thank you Father God for your Redeeming Victory. For bringing little Ezra into my life and to experience a deep love once more – a mother’s love. Thank you. I praise your Holy name. Amen.
This is so touching. I had tears in my eyes when reading this. What a blessing. You are truly blessed. Wishing all the best for you and Ezra Malachi.
Hannah, we wept with you as you wept. Tried to support you as you questioned. Now we’re hanging out the flags and dancing for joy with you as you rejoice. Probably a good thing that we’re well away from you so that we don’t disturb Ezra! The Lord continue to bless and keep you all and to use you in blessing