Diary: Day 5 – A Walk on Water

1 Peter 5.10 – And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 

I made a major decision yesterday. It is a risk in itself. Something my parents would frown upon. Something a lot of people would frown upon. But I am thankful. Thankful that I have a few people behind me who support my decision and understand why I had to make that decision. I quit my job. I didn’t actually really start it. I just had the induction day. By the end of the day yesterday it was clear that this is not where God wanted me to be. There was so much turmoil and angst inside of me, it was like I was suffocating. So, I knew that the decision I would make would take courage, and total trust in God. Walking on water. On unsteady ground. Not knowing really where my life will lead me to.

As I walked home yesterday and made the decision to quit, I experienced peace from God, knowing that he would provide for my needs. I saw a coin on the ground. For me that was sign enough that God would provide. That the heavens would open, and God would look after me. Do I trust him? Yes. Am I afraid? Yes. Am I anxious? Yes. But the bible says to cast all our worries onto him and he will make our burden light. It seems like an impossible task that lays before me.

Some people may think I am strong. But I am not strong. I don’t have all the answers. I am fearful. I am weak. I am OK with that. I needed to let go of everything. I knew that if I stayed in this type of job, that it would always follow me around, haunt me. I am not made for that type of job. So, I had to let go. I have to let go. I have to let go of controlling my circumstances and believing that God will provide for me during this time.

When God doesn’t want to change your  situation, he wants to change your heart. Be in him. Let go of things and plans. Let him do. Let him be in control of your story. Not you. 

And so here I am weak and vulnerable in a strange land. Not knowing how I will support myself in a month’s time, not knowing if I will have a job or not in a month’s time. Not knowing the path God is taking me on. But it is a journey. It is a threading on water, on shakey ground believing that the Lord of Lords will provide me with what I need, and that I should not be afraid, for he will meet me when I least expect it.

I know that the road ahead of me will be tough, and uncertain. That there will be moments of despair, of fear, of intense turmoil, of frustration. I view this as character building. I know people are backing me up, and I can always go to them if nothing works here. Ultimately, I am Safe in the Arms of Jesus, and that is all that really matters.

So, please pray with me that I remain peaceful, that I keep my eyes on the Lord, that I find a good church. That I find rest in Him, that I can find a suitable job for myself. Not in customer service roles anymore. Not in big co-operations. But something that will allow me to help others, that will satisfy me and make me feel like I am contributing to society in a meaningful way. Please pray with me, that I will not become discouraged in this situation, but that I will keep my eyes on the sovereign God.  Thank you.

Dear Lord – thank you for your love. Thank you for making my paths clear. Thank you for your guidance. I am weak, but you make me strong. Lord I trust that you will provide for my every need, that you will make a way where there seems to be no way. Lord help me to stay focused on finding a job. Lord I pray that the Holy Spirit can guide me into this unknown territory helping me make wise decisions. Thank you Lord for meeting my needs. Thank you Lord for your provision. I love you Lord. Amen.

2 thoughts on “Diary: Day 5 – A Walk on Water

  1. Praying for you, Hannah. It’s the not knowing that’s so hard. Try to concentrate on the fact that you know Almighty God and He has everything sorted, planned and in His control.

    And yes, I do realise that’s easy for me to write and hard for anyone to do, but it’s a way to go which I’m increasingly finding works for me. Still learning after nearly 50 years walking with God!


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