Pain haunts. I struggle. I drown. I am paralysed with fear. No-one sees behind the mask that covers up multitudes of hurt. I snap. I am edgy. I am irritable. Little things that don’t normally bother me, bother me. I … Continue reading →

As I lay last night re-evaluating my life before God there was one thing that struck me.. In my 15 years of following God and living by faith – I have hope. My hope comes from God. I look back … Continue reading →

Living is like fighting through the debris of panic Deep well for me.. Behind the wall tears want to release Trapped tightly behind a steel door I break, I fall, I am lost I can’t fight this darkness It curls … Continue reading →

Death sometimes seems a better alternative to the deep ravine I seem to be in. I had counselling today. It hurt. I cried. I cried for my dead son. I cried for all that was lost and I did not … Continue reading →

I feel like I am fading away Hiding behind a thick fog Shattered.. Breaking down Weeping, lost and forgotten Weak, vulnerable, hurting Hope gone Drowning in silence The candle flickers gently One breath and it fades away Gone

My dearest Sebastian, Happy 5th Birthday in Heaven! Another year has come and gone since your untimely passing. I often wonder what it would be like to have you here, or what it would have been like to wake up … Continue reading →

It is 1.05pm, five years Since your birth.. and death But it seems as if it only Happened hours ago It hurts this year, This feeling of anger ensares me I question why did you die? For the first time … Continue reading →

Dear Father in Heaven – I have been ill all week. I haven’t done much. I’ve hardly eaten. I’ve not had any energy and therefore not been able to do much. I feel quite disheartened and deflated. I felt hurt … Continue reading →

In a very strange way this year I feel like I have gone through a lense, sort of like a tunnel revisiting the hospital room where I was cooped up for days prior to my son’s birth and the days … Continue reading →

For some five years is a long time. For others it’s a passing of time. A marker of time. A reality that no longer is a new reality but the reality of what God gave you for the time being. … Continue reading →