After-thought Daughter

Living is like fighting through the debris of panic
Deep well for me.. Behind the wall tears want to release
Trapped tightly behind a steel door
I break, I fall, I am lost
I can’t fight this darkness
It curls around me
I welcome its soft presence
Death is beckoning
Life is pulling

I wonder what if Sebastian lived
Where would I be?
Would I be an after-thought daughter?
Compensation for what is gone is gain?
Where would I be if Sebastian were here?

I wonder if Sebastian had lived
What would I do?
Who would I be?

I belong but I don’t belong to the club of mothers
To the families without families
Invisible, painfully broken, I weep
I live, I feel trapped in this place of panic
Darkness sweeps around my heart
I want light
I want life
But I am entangled in darkness
Life come
Light come

I wonder am I a mother?
I wonder am I a good daughter?
I wonder… Do I belong?
Or am I really just an after-thought daughter?

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