Living is like fighting through the debris of panic
Deep well for me.. Behind the wall tears want to release
Trapped tightly behind a steel door
I break, I fall, I am lost
I can’t fight this darkness
It curls around me
I welcome its soft presence
Death is beckoning
Life is pulling
I wonder what if Sebastian lived
Where would I be?
Would I be an after-thought daughter?
Compensation for what is gone is gain?
Where would I be if Sebastian were here?
I wonder if Sebastian had lived
What would I do?
Who would I be?
I belong but I don’t belong to the club of mothers
To the families without families
Invisible, painfully broken, I weep
I live, I feel trapped in this place of panic
Darkness sweeps around my heart
I want light
I want life
But I am entangled in darkness
I wonder am I a mother?
I wonder am I a good daughter?
I wonder… Do I belong?
Or am I really just an after-thought daughter?
Whatever happens, whatever anyone else says, you are a precious daughter of the Lord Most High. Planned since before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4-6) and most definitely not an afterthought.