happy birthday to my baby boy. He would have been two today!!!    Today It is 1.05 pm, two years since your birth and death but it seems as if it only happened hours ago Not a nightmare anymore I … Continue reading →

The last two days have been strangely difficult.  Perhaps if I had gone somewhere which was the original plan it would have been easier.  But for some reason I decided I will stay and not go anywhere.  I haven’t been … Continue reading →

I always thought that I would have an October baby.  Not a September baby.  But I have a September baby.  A September boy.  Two years ago I was still pregnant and I am convinced that my little boy was still … Continue reading →

Shifting shadows. Time moving. By gotten past fluttering through.  The nightmare and the reality blending into one. Shifting shadows blending in. Grief holding onto future, but future now holds the upper hand.  Now future stronger than grief.  Grief still there. … Continue reading →

With 10 days to go before my son’s second birthday, I am reflecting how life has changed since his death. I am anxious about how I will celebrate his life. How do you celebrate someone’s life that has been gone … Continue reading →

Life can take a random turn sometimes. When you plan something for months only for in the end to become disappointed by the outcome. Guess it wasn’t meant to be… In the end the Lord knows what is best for … Continue reading →

I don’t know whether to cry or to pace up and down till I feel my peace.  I am really struggling today.  I have been battling migraines every day since last week Monday. I am exhausted.  I am worn out.  … Continue reading →

I am sitting here at the kitchen table contemplating, thinking, wondering, remembering what it was like to have you in my womb dearest Sebastian.  But you’re not here.  You are probably somewhere up in heaven singing songs of praises to … Continue reading →