Life can take a random turn sometimes. When you plan something for months only for in the end to become disappointed by the outcome. Guess it wasn’t meant to be… In the end the Lord knows what is best for us and sometimes in the most unusual circumstances you hear God’s voice and then you have to take the courage and follow what you believe God is telling you.
I am a broken woman. Suffering a host of different emotions which whatever way I turn or go to. The emotions are present. My somewhat fragile mind struggles against the forces that bombard my soul and yet somewhere deep within I have God’s peace in me. God’s love within me. God is my refuge, my shelter in times of trouble. In him I place my trust when everything else around me seems to be falling apart. My comfort is that God is on control of my life and whatever happens God knows what is best for me.
Since Sebby’s death. I have experienced a lot of panic attacks, and my anxiety flares up at times and then I feel like the room is spinning completely out of control and I no longer know what I need to do to get out of that situation. All sense of rationality walks out the door whilst my only thoughts are I need to get out of here. I can’t breathe. I feel trapped. I feel defeated by the onslaught of heavy negative emotions. But the reality I have come to realize in recent months is this: I have made progress. For the most part anxiety doesn’t really control me. Who I am now. It used to. But I have learnt techniques to conquer it like counting to one hundred. Or going for a walk/run. Praying to my God for guidance. Learning to live by faith rather than by fear. God is in control and it is well. I will get through this somehow..
I think I just need to remind myself that I haven’t failed. That I am making progress even if it doesn’t feel like that. I am learning to live by God’s grace and learning to lean on him for everything in my life. I have come a long way to reach the point I am at now. It took a lot of courage and strength to reach that point. Though I may seem to be struggling a lot lately the Lord is my anchor. Who or what is your anchor in life?
(picture credit goes to Jules Riding..)