I wrote this poem in February of this year. I was really struggling and just wanted to go somewhere and be alone…. I had no hope left. Two months later i feel more positive. More relaxed.
Five hundred twenty two days equivalent to one year, five months and four days
It is 10.40 pm, a year and five months
And four days have passed since
Your birth and death.
But it seems as if it only happened yesterday.
Time has either come to a halting stop
Or it moves slowly
As our days apart seem to stretch further
Into unknown desolate territory
How i wish i could hold you
Read you bed time stories
Sing to you
Laugh with you
Look at you lovingly
How i wish i could love you…
How i wish i could hold you to my bossom.
hauntingly i stare into the darkness
Pain etched into hardness, hope gone
Overwhelming hope left
Through the front door
As silence entered its place
Help me please to see
Show me gently
As i cling desperately onto
Nothing that i cannot see
For i am
In another life i would
Be running after you;
Wiping your tears as you fall,
Cuddle with you, play with you,
Eat with you.
And so much more mommy things.
But this reality of mine
Is where i wipe my own tears away
And look into the distance stretching
With an alarming silence of sadness.
Mom i am
Hope has left.