God is certainty and yet I am plagued with uncertainty. I know I should not fear. I try not to fear. Yet I feel afraid. More precisely I feel afraid of dying. Though I am not dying. Yet every day I am closer to death. I don’t mean to sound so morbid. But it is truth. Why am I afraid of dying? When I know that the outcome is to go to to my heavenly home where my heavenly Father resides. Is it because we hear about death on the news daily because of Covid? I remember when my son died – I was ready to die with him. But God spared my life. I wasn’t afraid of dying then. But I am now. And I don’t know why.

Is it because I am getting married in 3.5 months time from now? Or is it because I hear about death all around me? People I know dying. People I know getting older. What is the purpose of life? Is there a secret to succeed in this life? What is the purpose of my life? What am I supposed to achieve? I wonder. I want to draw closer to God. I want to grasp the concept of the purpose of life. I want to be able to understand more and yet I don’t understand anything at the moment. I feel like everything in my life is uncertain. The only thing in my life that is certain is God. At least that counts for something.

What is plaguing me so much in recent months? The fear of growing older. The fear of feeling like I have not achieved anything with my life. What is it that is stopping me from enjoying life 100% to the fullest? Help me Lord to be at peace with my life. Help me Lord not to be afraid but to trust in you 100%. The thing is everyone I know is getting fragile. Life around me is well everything is delicate. Surrounded by illness. Surrounded by death because of this wretched Corona. Life is fragile. Let’s face it. Then I question is there really life after death or is that just a load of hogwash?

God take away the fear from me. Help me to find peace again. I know that so much is changing in my life. Getting married is no small thing. Having a new job. Getting in the car on a weekly basis to brush up on my driving skills. Seeing people suffer. Seeing the brokenness before my eyes and I am completely and utterly helpless. I can’t save the world. I can only do so much. Those that need help need to want to change. Because even if you help it doesn’t mean that they will want it unless they want to change. Why is there so much suffering in this world? Why are people just existing and not going out there to help others. To encourage others? Don’t people question what the meaning of life is?

God is the source of eternal life. God is the source of answers. He has a waterfall of answers for all of us. He knows just what we need. Do we decide to push God away? Or do we decide to draw nearer to Him? I want Him to be the centre of my life. Lord, come into my life. Fill me with your peace. Help me Lord to see the purpose in life.

Perhaps the biggest source of comfort is knowing that we are here to love others as we love ourselves. We are here to show compassion to others… and be who God wants us to be. Not who we think we should be. Let’s look up to God for our answers. Let’s all do a kind deed and stop being selfish. Lets start putting our focus on what is important. For God is certainty. He is the only way to eternal life.