Not really knowing what to say

Take one: to my dearest son Sebastian Happy 6th Birthday! Wow 6 years already. What a big boy you are! Mommy is so proud of you. So many blessings have been poured out on me over the years. As I reflect from where I was six years ago to where I am now – I am amazed at God’s goodness in my life. Thank you for being my son. I am so thankful to the Lord that He had mercy on your life. That you received the greatest gift of all – a ticket straight to heaven.

I have decided to let my heart lead the way

Take two: to my dearest Sebastian, I am writing this with tears flowing down my face, with a deep sense of joy in my heart knowing that you are safe in heaven. Sitting on the knee of our heavenly Father. Rejoicing with him. Six years ago I gave birth to you precious boy, and you received the most amazing gift from our Father. Being able to go up to heaven without experiencing suffering the way we experience suffering here. My heart is filled with love for you. It rejoices with our Father God knowing that you do not have to experience pain. For that I am truly grateful to Adonai.

I have received so many gifts, so many blessings over the years since you passed away. When you died six years ago I did not imagine that I would be where I am now. I am filled with gratitude to the Lord for his grace in my life. For the abilities He has given me. Writing for the glory of His kingdom. Sharing the gospel through hospitality with people. He’s taken me on a journey, one that is fulfilling. I guess if I did not lose you I would not have met the various people over these years. I am so thankful to the Lord for bringing L. into my life. He’s got a heart of gold, he’s very compassionate, caring, loving and encouraging. I think if you had met him you would have liked him. I see how he interacts with people of all ages – he’s got a beautiful gift there. I imagine that you would have had some of his qualities. I think that you would have been funny too.

I imagine what you’d be doing up in heaven now. Rejoicing with the Father. Singing songs of joy and praises to the King of Kings. I rejoice with you. I guess you’d be smiling down at me and being proud of me for how far I’ve come since you went to be with our Father God. I don’t regret the years since you passed. I don’t regret being pregnant with you – those are one of my most cherished moments. Knowing that there was a tiny little boy inside of me making me a proud mom. I knew you were a wise soul. I know that you are still a wise soul.

As I think back over the years, this must be the first time that I can truly say, truly believe that I have received the gift of eternal grace from the Lord Almighty, the one whom you have met and the place where you belong. Through this gift I know that He has made me strong. There are no words that can truly describe how I feel today but a sense of elation and joy are the words that come my way. For this is the day that the Lord has made and I now choose to rejoice. There is no longer sadness but a deep sense of peace. The future is mine to make the most out of. To praise praise praise our Lord in heaven.

Happy Happy Birthday to my dearest Boy. Happy 6th Birthday Sebastian.
You will always remain in my heart. I love you always.

Your loving mommy
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