The year end ended on a wonderful note. In ways that I wasn’t expecting it to end. In ways that blessed me more than I could ever imagine. I wasn’t expecting anything. I don’t always remember my prayers but for the past year I have been writing down my prayers and asking God to provide me with the desires of my heart. God works in unexpected ways more than we realise. And well what can I say? My life seems to have done a total U-turn. I seem to have slowly found my passion for life again. Over the last month or so I’ve experienced more belly laughter than in the five years since my son’s death.
Well… what has changed? 2019 started off as a challenging year. It started off with so much heartache, so much pain, so much sorrow, so much baggage. But as the year progressed, the more I grew into becoming the woman God wanted me to be. I am still a work in progress. I still have days where I suffer from anxiety. Still have days where I struggle to believe that God is really real. But on the whole I am at complete peace within myself. Still on a healing journey. But God’s mercy is sufficient. 2019 was the year I feel like I went through the refiners fire.
I remember in the latter part of the year how I was praying for God to be the centre of my world in everything that I do. Turning my focus away from myself and more onto the Lord. Asking for the Holy Spirit to fill every part of my soul. And he did. Slowly I could see a transformation inside of me. I was able to be more free. I was able to relax more in who I was as a person. I was growing more confident as I let go of my old self and let the new self take hold of my life.
I no longer wanted to focus solely on myself but really wanted to change and look up towards God. I feel like in the last month I have grown and become closer to God and leaning on him every step of the way and asking him to guide me in all that I do. My colleagues have seen a change in me. A positive change. One where it is making them think. What has happened with Hannah? Some say that I am an inspiration, some say that it is inspiring to watch how fast life can change from being just happy with yourself to completely joyful and experiencing new adventures. I am taking a risk. I wonder if taking this risk is worth it? I think it is.
Let God surprise you this year 2020.