Missing you my dear boy.
I know I haven’t written to you yet this year. It’s been a hectic few weeks with a lot of changes. More importantly, we made it into 2019 unscathed. I find that time seems to move quite fast lately… Maybe this is because I am busy.
I spent Christmas 2018 with my adopted family, and also spent New Year’s eve with them. It was a really special time for me. Though at times challenging, as it brought a lot of stuff to the surface, of what I have missed out on as a child or so it seems. I was also working, and just focusing on getting through the days day by day, rather than focusing on the weeks ahead.
I had many assessments to deal with at the start of the year and also right before Christmas. Suffice to say I passed all my assessments by the grace of God, even when they were challenging and obstacles in my way. The Lord clearly made a way for me.
After my assessments I moved away to my very own little place. The first time I am renting my own place since two years. Seems an awfully long time, to have been on the move, to share with people, to be in transition. But I have learned a lot about myself during this time. It is nice though to have my own place at last and to be able to just fully unwind when I get home. I got to do this too with my German family in Berlin. Where I could totally let my hair down, and in Herscheid with another family. Seems like wherever I go in the world the Lord blesses me with many different families who believe in my potential and want the best for me. For that I am truly grateful.
I do miss you, I do think of you often, and a lot of times I wish that you could still be here. Whenever I see a baby – it makes me think of what I have missed out on. Or whenever I hear your name, I know what I have missed out on. And I wonder what it would be like to call out your name, and to see you smile with joy when you see me. It seems like these are just but scattered dreams, that have gone into ash. And all I can do is put my eyes on the Lord and trust that he knows best. Trust that he knows my future.
Life is a series of challenges but the Lord is good to us. Even if sometimes it is difficult to believe that he is really there, and keeping a watchful eye on you… I am glad I know God, he has brought me this far and given me abundant blessings.
I hope you are well my love.
I will always love you and miss you.
Your loving mama,