Job 42.2 – I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
Today, is the day that I have been praying for, for over two years. It is the start of a new chapter. My life experiences brought me to this point. Ten years ago when I turned eighteen I was a very different person to who I am now. I always thought that the world was my oyster. That I could do anything that my heart wanted to do. I learned hard lessons on this journey. When I started out at university I was a fresh-eyed adult peering into a realm of possibilities. I was a new Christian and didn’t understand how I could have a personal relationship with the Lord. But it did come with the experiences I experienced on this journey.
One thing I learned is this:
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do. Eleanor Roosevelt
I started off adulthood as a naive girl. I wrote heaps. As I look back to my writings of when I was a teenager it lacked experience, it was somewhat messy, yet I had a passion for writing and I always knew that one day I would become an author of a book. Hopefully more than one book. Who knows? I started off adulthood thinking that I would be immune to life’s problems.
There are many moments during the last ten years where I looked fear in the eyes and swallowed it and persevered forward. Leaving my ex-husband was staring fear into the face, and knowing and believing that life can be better than this. That I deserve better then this. Giving birth to my dead son and knowing that I would have to start from ground zero. That was probably the hardest thing I had to face. Knowing that my son died – and that I had nothing left. Knowing that the only way forward was to cling onto faith and move forward with the flow. Losing my two daugthers was difficult. Not knowing how one recovers from such a blow to life.
But I did recover.
I am standing tall
I learned life isn’t simple, but when you learn to embrace life then it becomes easier. When you learn to fight against the bad stuff and not allow the bad stuff to cloud your view on life, you can achieve things beyond your dreams. Doing this counselling course is a step of faith. I prayed for this for over two years. All my life experiences led me to this point, and this is what I want to do.
Mostly, though I want to be in God’s will. I want to do what God wants me to do. Remember in this life nothing is ever certain. But we can achieve great things if we put our mind to it, and if we face our fears and take a step of faith. Rather than run. Which is what I would normally do.
Is it better to live by fear or by faith?
All the best with your course. And finding a job. And everything.
And guess what? It’s better to live by faith! But you’re learning that, partly the hard way, but those sorts of lessons tend to stick.