Diary: Day 58 -61 – A Walk on Water

Isaiah 26.3 – You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

I am sitting watching the waves splash across the sand.  With pretty white clouds above the sea – feeling like I am on holiday. Resting, doing nothing, being lazy…   No – actually I feel empty. I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know if my decision is right, and I just feel frustrated with life. Did I really make the right decision? This was yesterday.

Today, I wonder how is it possible that God allows strangers to live with each other?  How is it possible that you can enter a home and feel to a certain degree at home? How is is it possible that you can fit into someone’s routine as easily as a glove fits a hand? Or a sock fits a foot? How is it possible that God can provide for our needs when we don’t deserve his grace upon our lives?

When I battle through struggles in my life I tend to become a negative person.  There tends to be a negative force going through my entire body and I wonder how is it possible that God still loves me through the negativity that just flows out of me.. I still struggle with anxiety.  I still have high levels of stress  and levels of uncertainties. I have come to realise that in this life nothing is certain.

But that when change happens, when you are faced with change – rather than running away from fear, why not go with the flow? What is stopping you from embracing your life? What is stopping you from embracing your life Hannah?  Why do you have so much fear? Why do you let fear have the upper hand in your life? What about faith? Don’t you have faith?  Why is it easier to fear than to live by faith?

One thing I know is this: I am grateful for God’s grace on my life. I am grateful that I have a place to live, that people welcomed me with open arms. This is not the first time this has happened. It has happened before. I have been embraced by my German family a year ago in Berlin. That was the first time I experienced what one would call a strangers love… It totally blew me away. Then again this summer with another German family… and now with a family on the Isle of Wight. How is it possible that God has placed people in my life and allowed me to experience his love through others?  I used to think that I was unlikable and that it would be hard for anyone to like me. But God is showing me things work differently. What did I do to deserve all of this?  I didn’t do anything to deserve it.

And why am I so afraid to embrace it all? What is holding me back?  I am just a broken woman saved by the grace of God.


One thought on “Diary: Day 58 -61 – A Walk on Water

  1. From your mother’s womb
    He has chosen you
    Love has called your name.
    You’ve be born again
    Into a family,
    His blood flows through your vains…
    You’re no longer a slave to fear
    You are a child of God

    That is the mistery why you can find a home everywhere when you come to other children of God anywhere, leaded by God


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