Diary: Day 31 – A Walk on Water

Psalm 119.93 – I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life.

It was another rough night. With only a 5.5 hours sleep. It can make one grumpy, tired and sarcastic when you are not care.  A bad night’s sleep can sometimes make you feel lousy for the rest of the day. But I am OK.

I went to church today. Again to the Cross-light church. I spoke in that church in March. They are a wonderful church community.  Very welcoming, warm, loving. I don’t find that in a lot of churches. Filled with the Holy Spirit. Powerful service today. Afterwards, I got special deliverance prayer to be released from all those nightmares that have plagued me from years. In the middle of the prayer I heard angels singing.  Singing. Just wow. That was one amazing experience which will stay with me for many years to come.

Also, four years ago today I left the UK and flew home to be in Slovakia. Heavily pregnant. Ready for my son to be born.  Funny how you remember dates. I was really looking forward to my son’s birth.  My family as well. We were in the final stages of preparations for his arrival.  Everyone was excited. My youngest sister wanted to teach him Slovak. She felt him kick.  We all put our hope in my son…. If I had known that he would be stillborn at the end of the pregnancy would I have exercised the same amount of faith that I did when I was pregnant with him? No. I think not knowing the future is sometimes better than knowing the future.  I do miss my son. But I know he’s safe in the arms of Jesus, even if I want him here with me!

I got a wonderful gift today from someone in church. Mr Carpenter made me two small crosses that I can hold in my hands. It was exactly how I had envisioned it.  It really blessed me.  Honestly, I just asked him in passing once last week if he could make me a cross as I received a bowl from him the last time. I didn’t think he would do it. But when he did, it just blessed me, and encouraged me. It is the little gifts that matter the most. Not the big stuff.

Today I feel encouraged, despite my tiredness, despite my sarcastic mood. Forgive me those who have experienced my sarcastic mood today. I am on a journey to fullness. To completeness. To wholeness. This is only by the grace of God.

One thing I do know is this: God is love, God is grace, God is the one that can make us whole. Amen.

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