Ecclesiastes 7.9 – Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the laps of fools.
Today has not been a good day for me. Today has been challenging. I woke up feeling anxious. I woke up feeling angry. I woke up feeling frustrated by my situation, and by the situation of people who I care for. Today I feel restless. I can’t shake the restlessness off no matter how busy I have tried to keep myself.
I went out for a walk. Although short. I prepared lunch today. I baked apple cake today. I did a little bit of everything, but the restlessness and relentless frustration and anger followed me around like an unwanted house guest. And the neck pain that I had months ago is starting to bother me again.
There are moments in the day where I just think this is too hard. But I know deep down in my heart that I will get through this. That this season will pass too. That more peaceful times will come. It is just a matter of time. A question of when.
The thing is – my day always seems to depend on how I have slept. If I slept poorly then the day seems to follow in a similar fashion. I do not want mood to be dependent on how I have slept the previous night. No matter how much time I spent in the sanctuary, singing worship songs to the Lord – the restlessness and anger did not cease. It stayed stubbornly put on my shoulder like an unwelcome guest in my life. Oh and the tears come and go. They are very near to the surface. I hate these tears.
I feel ashamed of myself for getting so low last week. I think back to last week and think how did I get to that point? How did I manage to get so low? I feel ashamed. I did not want to cause any concern for anyone. It was just a way of me expressing my emotions, so that they would not bottle up inside of me, and explode like a volcano. I do not want to be a burden to anyone. But that is how I feel.
Tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow is a new day.