Diary: Day 26 – A Walk on Water

Matthew 7.8 – For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

IMG_5675I woke up this morning from a deep, deep peaceful sleep. I didn’t wake up from any nightmares. The first time in what seems like forever. I prayed last night, intentionally.  Not that I never pray. But I specifically prayed for no nightmares last night. God granted that wish! Hallelujah.

It has been a slow day today. I slowed down so much so that I didn’t do anything useful. Except for maybe cook broccoli spinach soup.  I didn’t even think about the word JOB. I need to find a JOB. I need to find a JOB. I dropped that mantra from my head. Switched completely off from the whole world. I dropped that totally from my vocabulary. Lazed around. Read a book. Went out took some pictures, drank tea, drank hot chocolate milk.  Rested. Rested a lot. The result? I am more tired.

I know that if I think about it that my stress levels will shoot through the roof. So, I need to just chill for a bit… To come back to equilibrium.  To come back to a place where my emotions are balanced once more. Is that even possible?

I can’t remember the last time that I was this still. I can’t remember the last time where I had nothing to do, nowhere to go to. Nothing to focus on. No project to work on. The only responsibility I have is to sit still before the throne of God and be his daughter. Be still and know that I am God. I am learning to be still. I am learning to connect with God on a deeper level. Experiencing his love on a deeper level.

Then there is the other side off the coin. The dog – Livia. She’s a godsend. Livia bounds up the stairs like a little hurricane, pushes her way into my room and jumps on my bed and snuggles right close to me.  Giving me unconditional love. Always in such a happy mood to see me. Even if I am in a different room for a couple of hours. Livia searches for me, and jumps. A fur ball full of energy. Yet she makes me laugh. She makes me giggle. She draws me out of my shell. It is good for me. Dogs can be so therapeutic and can help heal a wounded heart.

Life has a funny way of catching up with you. I have always been on the go. But now I have no hurry to go anywhere. Does it mean that my anxiety has lifted? No, its still there, but I am trying to gain the upper hand of it. I am trying to gain the upper hand of my depression, wounded heart. I will get through this. Step by step with the Lord’s help and lots of prayer I will come through, and be healed on a deeper level.


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