Diary: Day 7 – A Walk on Water

Matthew 6.24 – No one can serve two masters.  Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

I got asked yesterday by the lady I live with upstairs why I quit my job on the first day. I said I didn’t have peace to work in that company.  I said because my desire to serve the Lord has become deeper and more urgent. Trying not to use too much Christian jargon with her. She looks at me blankly. Then says proudly: “I am a career woman. I am always looking for better opportunities. I go where the money is. I go where the economy is rich.”  Ireland by the way is the 5th most expensive country in the world. Dublin is a growing economic hub. Thousands of people flood Dublin looking to improve and advance their careers. The market is tough.

I was accepted for a job in Dublin with apparently a world-class outsourcing company. I had the skills that they needed. The language that they needed. Apparently I had a fantastic application with very strong references. But I walked out of that job on Monday evening after my first day there knowing in my heart that I would not get God’s peace if I didn’t leave then. As soon as I made the decision to leave it was as if a heavy burden was lifted from me. I could breathe. I felt that all that turmoil inside of me, all that angst inside of me lifted from accepting a job that I actually did not want. I would have worked for a project with one of the leading web providers. But it was not for me. All that hype around advancing careers, getting money, more and more money, listening to people talk about endless gadgets, listening to them speak about how wonderful they are and all that they wanted to buy with their salaries made me uncomfortable.

Over the last couple of years I have had this growing desire to serve the Lord on a deeper and more profound level. I have had this sense of urgency to work for the Glory of God’s kingdom. I didn’t want to keep going to the same mundane job every day.  I had lost joy in working daily. I felt trapped working for something that was totally meaningless to me. I didn’t want to go through that cycle again. Of ending up in a crap job which others might say is the perfect job.

My temporary housemate is shocked or bewildered that I would want to work for a small organisation. For a small non-profit organisation. Not for a large non-profit organisation but a small one. She doesn’t understand my thinking. She doesn’t understand how I want to live a simple life that honours God. I bet she has a lot to talk about with her work colleagues, friends and family about my way of life versus her way of life. Perhaps when I leave, I will have left a small indentation in her life and she might think perhaps life isn’t all about money. Maybe she will see there are more important things in this age.

With only a month apart in our birthdays our lives are starkly different. Conservative versus liberal. Following God’s will versus Self.

For me the answer is simple following God’s will. Serving the Lord and knowing God can provide for me even when I feel anxious about what the future may hold. Even if I don’t know where all this will lead me. One thing I know for certain is that my God is steadfast. He remains the same. He never changes from East to West. He remains a steadfast presence in my life.  And so today I am feeling a certain resolve that I will do whatever it takes to follow God’s will for my life, to get my counselling degree so that I can become a specialist grief counsellor, and become the woman that God is calling me to be.

I am a work in progress. I have my failings. But I know that I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. Amen!

Dear Lord – thank you for blessing me. Thank you for your love. Thank you for the peace you have given me. I commit my way into your hands. I surrender my struggles to you. Please guide me. Amen.

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