The Pain

The pain is worse than yesterday. I can barely turn my head without excruciating pain yelling at the top of its voice when I turn my head to the right.  I am not sure where the pain has come from. Limited movement. Limited everything. Makes me feel cranky and vulnerable. The thing with this pain is I can feel it. Unlike migraine pain.  Which doesn’t cause this pain that I am feeling now. I don’t know how to describe this pain.

But I am struggling to keep my head above the water. Trying to cope when even that seems to be in vain. Moving is a struggle. Putting my clothes on is a struggle. Even going in the shower is a struggle.  I have limited head movement. And when I accidently move in a funny way it seems as if my neck/shoulder goes even more frozen.

The pain’s tentacles seem to spread across the wider shoulder area now.  Actually, it started on Thursday the pain. Just neck pain. Nothing as severe as yesterday or today.  Today is just another lousy day, where I can barely move without having the knowledge that I do have a neck and shoulder.  What can I do? How can I move my neck when it won’t let me move? The pain screams at me, and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.  I just want someone to wrap me in their arms and tell me its going to be OK.  But will it be OK?

On the plus side, I can move my neck to the left side with limited mobility.  Not totally but at least the range of movement is more than to the right. If I want to have another angle of where I am sitting I have to shift in my seat so that my eyes can explore the surrounding area.

I wonder maybe it is something that I have done to cause this neck pain?  But what could it be? In moments where the pain becomes unbearable I feel like the whole world is laughing at me, like the whole world is against me and I don’t know where to go, what to do.  I just feel totally broken. It is like the devil is laughing at me. Making fun of me.  First my back went funny a few weeks ago, eventually the back pain eased. Then it was my ankle. As I ran free like the wind I stumbled over my ankle. It was nothing major, but by the time I got back to my room, my ankle looked like a deformed balloon. That took a week to recover from. And as I was getting ready to start the running again, my neck packed in. When will this physical pain end? When will this emotional pain end? Will someone hold me and tell me that it will be OK? That things are OK. That this is just a temporary phase where everything seems to be working against the current. Like an uphill battle against the raging sea.

I feel like the devil is somehow trying to cause a stir, and I am hating every minute of it. I just want everything to go back to normal again to how it was. I don’t want people to be angry with me. I want people to see me for who I am. A gentle spirit.

How do I get rid of this pain? Lord, help me please. I can’t cope with this pain anymore. I am not sure if its worse than a migraine or not. At least with a migraine I know the pain will go away. But when will this go away?


One thought on “The Pain

  1. Hello Hanna, my name is Dr Mike Neeley. I was cured of migraines about 30 years ago. Since that remarkable cure, I have been on a mission to find out why that one-time treatment cured my headaches that I had had for years. I tried many things on my patients over the years and discovered a very plausible explanation for the cause and treatment of migraine headaches. It is my passion to help migraine headache patients. Migraines can be cured contrary to what the experts are saying. I have many testimonies of patients that have found relief.
    I have just finished writing a book, Cracking the Migraine Code and I am anxious to get it out to the people who suffer from migraines. The book details the apparent cause of migraines, why drugs won’t give a lasting relief and most importantly how to get rid of the pain. It is available on Amazon.
    Although I have not examined you, I have some suggestions for your consideration concerning your neck pain.
    Pain upon moving your head side to side is due to a few muscle fibers in these muscles that just won’t relax and let go. It’s not the whole body of the muscle that is tense as in rigor mortis but just a few of the fibers that are causing all the pain. A muscle relaxer such as “Soma” generic = carisoprodol will help ease the neck strain. It is a prescription medication.
    These muscles in the neck are activated every time you swallow. You can feel them contract as you swallow. It all starts with the jaw muscles and if they are not in balance then the secondary bracing muscles in the neck will not be in balance either. Since you swallow about 2000 times in a day the imbalance can build up to a crescendo. All the lactic acid build up from muscle contraction is what is causing the neck pain an stiffness.
    Another simple little device that can help neck stiffness and headache is called and Aqualizer. Check it out on the internet. It immediately helps to relax the stiff muscles in the neck. They sell for about $26.00 on the internet. If you buy my book I will send one to you for free.
    I hope this helps and please email me with any questions.
    Dr. Mike Neeley


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