I am sitting in the office. (Now lying in bed as I never finished the letter). My last few days in the office before a new adventure begins. I am oddly happy, and oddly puzzled at how much has changed in my life. So many things have changed. Four years ago yesterday I left my ex-husband in the dark rainy night of a forgotten past. That night too I barely slept. Tossed and turned with so many uncertainties staring me in the face.
What if I had not left my ex-husband when I did. That small tiny ounce of courage that I had, I would have had a garden on my belly now. It would have finished me. The abuse would have killed me in the end, or I would have been in such a low place that I would have ended it. It’s amazing how a tiny ounce of courage can change the course of your life forever. How the people you meet on your faith journey can show you the way to walk. Show you to go with your feeling named peace.
After months of trying to figure out where to go next, what to do next, I feel like I have received a bit more clarity this past week, and have made a tentative decision to move to Ireland and to see what it has for me there. Last year I had so many invitations to move to Ireland. I still get people calling me up in Ireland to see if I can come work for them in Dutch. I didn’t take it last year because the climate isn’t so great. But people say that Norway and Ireland are one of the most beautiful countries in the Northern hemisphere. And seeing as I don’t speak Norwegian, it makes more sense to move to a country where I can speak English fluently. I have missed speaking English. These last six months I have had intensive German language training with my host family. When I first arrived I barely could speak a word of German (or I was too shy to speak German) and with time I was able to construct sentences and even thoughts in German. I always understood the language. Just never used it. Now I would say I am pretty fluent, and I would probably be even more fluent if I stayed six more months!
Yesterday, I had my evaluation at work. They said they were pleased with my last month’s performance and wanted to tell me where I can improve. And I was thinking I am only here for 4 more days. Anyways they asked what I learned in these past six months. I had to laugh. I had to smile. It was a while before I answered them, and when I did I said character building to go to a job I found quite demotivating at times (because we weren’t really helping people, well not in the way I want to help people) and assertive training. Assertive training because I have had some really difficult phone calls over the last six months where I have had to tell someone to be polite and not to treat me like an idiot. Something I would normally not do!
This weekend on Saturday I am meeting someone who will translate for me on Sunday, when I am witnessing for God in a small church in Berlin, and I need to be translated. Guess my German is not fluent enough to give a testimony in the native language. So I will fall back to my safety language: English. I am a bit nervous about giving the testimony. It has been so long since I last did that, that I wonder if I am cut out to do it? We’ll see. Hope that I can be as effective as last year. Father will help give me the words that I need to speak.
I hope you are doing well. I am wondering when I will meet you. I have now two more people praying with me for a life-partner (so six in total) and all six of them feel that I will meet you at some stage this year. I wonder. I really wonder. Could it be really possible that someone would love me and see me as special and see my full potential? I guess I have to wait and see to find out!
I should go back to sleep, even if it’s for an hour – it’s better than nothing. I have tossed and turned all night, and soon I have to get out of bed again to go to work. So….. really I should be sleeping but I couldn’t.
I hope you are well wherever you are. Know that I am praying for you too! Till we meet.
With much love,