Desperate Despair

Desperate despair…. painfully alone. Life screams and screams at me…. lost, confused…. the pain consumes me like engulfing fire. The intense pressure of feeling trapped.  Heart racing.  I fall. I weep. I am alone. No one can hear me. I fade away fast. The end is near or this is how I imagine how it would end. I fast forward I am gone. I pause, I breathe, I am still here. Clinging on. The pressure building.  I cant squeeze through.  I give up. I can’t hold on. I don’t want to hold on. I am very tired. This is what depression feels like. Knocking on death’s door. Ready to be released, to be free like a butterfly. Death stares. Life and love shout at me. Hold on. The sea crashes. I am standing alone watching my shadow fade in and out. The dilemma of who I am continues.  I am still here… breathing. Alive. Painfully broken.

One thought on “Desperate Despair

  1. You will have a ministry to those in despair, because you (like me) have been to that place many times.. and survived by God’s grace. Wait upon the Lord, entrust your life to Him, He will help you. They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. Isaiah 40.31

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s