Desperate despair…. painfully alone. Life screams and screams at me…. lost, confused…. the pain consumes me like engulfing fire. The intense pressure of feeling trapped.  Heart racing.  I fall. I weep. I am alone. No one can hear me. I fade away fast. The end is near or this is how I imagine how it would end. I fast forward I am gone. I pause, I breathe, I am still here. Clinging on. The pressure building.  I cant squeeze through.  I give up. I can’t hold on. I don’t want to hold on. I am very tired. This is what depression feels like. Knocking on death’s door. Ready to be released, to be free like a butterfly. Death stares. Life and love shout at me. Hold on. The sea crashes. I am standing alone watching my shadow fade in and out. The dilemma of who I am continues.  I am still here… breathing. Alive. Painfully broken.