When I want to fade

I don’t understand where this darkness comes from
It asks me to fade with the tide
Into a timeless void
It consumes me till
I am like a volcano ready to erupt
A depressed volcano erupting
Into ash
And then life is no more
I battle
I cling on

The cry for life calls me
The cry for death pulls me
Tugs at me, battles with me
What is louder?
The cry for life? For death?

The mask of I am ok
When I am not
Sometimes I just need a hug
Human touch to remind me
You are loved
You are cared for
You are here
Alive, and not alone

Mum and Dad
Praying
Believing I’ll come through
But will I?
And they love me
Really love me
Hard to imagine
So here I am
Desperately clinging
Onto hope
Onto their love
Onto God’s love
Because they hope for me
They have faith for me
When I don’t
When I just want
The pain to fade
When I want to fade

I feel like I am drowning
But I am not
Instead I am being lifted up
In prayer
You will be ok
The love of Mum and Dad
The love of God grounds me
Reminds me
I am not alone
Maybe hope
Will knock once more
On Bee’s door
And lead me to
Freedom

2 thoughts on “When I want to fade

  1. Praying for you to rise above this despair and combat the spirit of death that seeks to claim your life. Jesus has the victory, he died so that you don’t have to. Give every ounce of turmoil, every unanswered question to the Lord.

    Like

  2. The word of God is more than any good thought. It is a sword to fight a battle.
    Psalm 27: The Lord is my LIGHT and ny salvation!

    Like

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