I don’t understand where this darkness comes from
It asks me to fade with the tide
Into a timeless void
It consumes me till
I am like a volcano ready to erupt
A depressed volcano erupting
Into ash
And then life is no more
I battle
I cling on

The cry for life calls me
The cry for death pulls me
Tugs at me, battles with me
What is louder?
The cry for life? For death?

The mask of I am ok
When I am not
Sometimes I just need a hug
Human touch to remind me
You are loved
You are cared for
You are here
Alive, and not alone

Mum and Dad
Praying
Believing I’ll come through
But will I?
And they love me
Really love me
Hard to imagine
So here I am
Desperately clinging
Onto hope
Onto their love
Onto God’s love
Because they hope for me
They have faith for me
When I don’t
When I just want
The pain to fade
When I want to fade

I feel like I am drowning
But I am not
Instead I am being lifted up
In prayer
You will be ok
The love of Mum and Dad
The love of God grounds me
Reminds me
I am not alone
Maybe hope
Will knock once more
On Bee’s door
And lead me to
Freedom