Migraine Storm

The migraine storm is over. It has passed on.  Thank God.  I don’t know how.  It was a slow build up into the migraine storm. Extreme tiredness.   Nausea all week.  Headaches on and off before the hurricane wrecks havoc in my head and all I can do is hide. Pray dear God that it passes.

It doesn’t always pass in a dignified way. Sometimes it means curling up by the toilet to throw up, to let everything out.  Laying in a darkened room, squirming in pain. Rummaging through the medicine cabinet trying to remember which one works best. Only none of them really work anymore.  The one that works cannot be found. I crawl back to bed and cry myself to sleep in a restless slumber as the migraine storm rages on.

What a relief as I tentatively open my eyes this morning.  The remnants of the migraine remind me of what has been. A migraine attack.  A storm where endless debris hits your skull. A knife lodged deep above your left eye. Stabbing you as the victim lays there totally helpless.  Totally alone. Nothing can be done to relieve it. In those moments I admit I want to die.  I don’t want to live. I want to die because I see no alternative to this wretched pain. If another migraine attack comes I think let it finish me. Fighting doesn’t help it.

The migraines are steadily worsening.  New symptoms have come. Severe nausea.  Severe tiredness. Severe stabbing above the left eye. Vomiting an unpleasant sight. This is now. Before it was just the nausea and severe head pain. Now it has changed.  Vomiting accompanies the migraine. It taunts me. There is nothing I can do as I just watch my life pass beforehand me as it rages through my skull.  Hunting me.

The migraine storm has passed. The flu is here to stay.  What a great combination.  How did I end up with both?  No more dear God. Help me please.

Life a conundrum of ups and downs.  The storm will pass. The storm will come again to remind me that I indeed have a head.  The storm will remind me of how fragile my existence is.

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