Yesterday, I had the mother of all migraines. A living hell. I wanted to die. I think this must have been one of the worst attacks I have ever had when it comes to migraine land. This was the first real serious bad attack since the summer. And then I wonder.. was it a spiritual attack on me? After all I did have an interview I had to attend yesterday.
I don’t know how I got through the interview. I don’t remember much of the interview. Except that I was starting to slur my words. And then I kept rubbing my temple where the pain was exploding. Lightning zigzagging across my eyes. My eyes burning. And all I could think was I need to get through this interview and show them what I am made off. Determination. Resilience. Perseverance. Doesn’t give up easily. It didn’t last a full hour – the interview. Just half an hour. In out.
By the time it was over my whole head was a ticking time bomb. I don’t remember what happened from the moment I left the interview place to the moment I got home. The only thing I remember was being sick next to the bus stop. And just wishing the ground could swallow me whole. Ground open up please. I don’t know how I managed to get home. Or how I managed to carry myself home because the pain was overwhelming. Overpowering. Dizzying. Nauseous the entire way home. Vomiting all day on an empty stomach and it just kept getting worse. The pain wouldn’t ease. I have never had a migraine where I was vomiting nor vomiting persistently like I did yesterday and up until the early hours of this morning doing exactly the same.
I went to see the GP. The GP didn’t help. Just prescribed some medicine. Didn’t listen to me at all. I said in Slovakia they give me an injection when it gets this bad and the pain eases off almost instantly. I said I can’t keep anything down. She still insisted I take the medicine – so I do. Only it doesn’t stay. It just comes right back up. The intensity increasing by the minute. Light hurting my eyes. Noise hurting my ears. Total darkness. Total silence. Blankets covering my eyes. Pillows covering my ears, just to get away from the migraine. Grizzly pale. I felt like I was on my death bed. Eventually go back to the doctor. Only this time to A&E. Where they refer me to the urgent care doctor. This doctor gives me something else to ease the pain. It stays in, thankfully.
It helps temporarily. Only I wake up with a pounding migraine still… and feel really unwell. My eyes are burning. I can’t stand the light or the noise. Everything is amplified. And I seriously wish I could go back into a deep slumber. I wonder why the migraine is so bad. It is like a hurricane wrecking havoc right through my brain. Thundering loudly…. till the storm passes and all is quiet.
Now? I am feeling better. I still have a headache. But it is no longer a million knifes crashing into my head. It is just a gentle throb. A reminder of what was and is no longer. It’ll take a few days to recover from this attack. When it is a serious attack it always takes anywhere between one and five days to recover. I become an emotional wreck. I go through a deep depression. Extreme exhaustion. Before I come above it and feel like my normal self again.
I am not sure why this migraine was particularly bad. I call it the mother of all migraines. It was the first time I was persistently sick from it. This has never happened before. I find it strange. I find it strange that on the day of my interview I end up having a really bad attack. Was it a spiritual attack on me? To test me?
The first migraine I ever had was when I was 8 years old. I wonder when these dreadful things will stop? Will they ever stop? I remember as an 8 year old child I laid in my room in complete darkness with the lights switched off and no sound to try and sleep it off. That was the first. It was not the last.
I have no energy now. I am tired. Very tired. I must sleep again… I must find food. But I am tired today and not sure I have the energy to find food or to cook it. I wonder if there will ever be a cure for a migraine? Or if I will always live with it. When it comes I must ride the storm and then whether the days after. I don’t want to live with this anymore.
A migraine is not just a headache. It is a serious condition. Not many people realise this. Most think it is just a headache. But it is much more complicated then that…