Diary: Day 12 – A Walk on Water

Micah 7.8 – Though I sit in darkness the Lord shall be my light.

Operating in the red-zone area. My feelings fluctuate between peace and a ravaging war between the spirit and the flesh.  I wake up feeling peaceful, but as the day progresses the Spirit of Oppression and Death are upon me. Everyone says fight. But I simply don’t have the energy to fight anymore.

It takes hours to have the energy to get out of bed. I can only remember a time like this when my son died nearly four years ago. I want to have peace. I don’t want to fight the currents of life anymore.

In 48 hours I will be boarding a flight and onto the next stage of my life. Currently I am in the red-zone, so I am struggling to embrace this journey. I am praying that in 24 hours I will receive my parcel.  Its a camera. Something that will help me to stay focused as I journey on. To capture parts of the journey. Who knows?

I don’t want to complain about my situation. I don’t want to brush over it lightly. But having a minor burn-out, depression attack, spiritual attack is no small feat to overcome. I know that God will look after me. But right now I don’t feel him. So I must go on, I must keep my faith focused, and read scripture out loud everyday to overcome in this battle. I must praise the Lord. Its difficult even for me. But I do it. Because this is the only way out of this darkness.

Like those Thai cave boys – they must put their trust in their rescuers to get them out. I must put my trust in God to help me out of this situation. I praise God that nine boys have been saved, and the rest are coming out today. I thank God that God is in control of my life.

Dear Lord – I surrender you my struggles. My doubt. My fear. My worries over finances. I hand over you all my struggles so that I can be free. Amen.

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