2nd Letter to My Future Husband

Dear Life-Partner,

I am sitting on the train now, on a voyage to wherever God will take me next.  Gazing out at the beauty of God’s creation, as I see scene after scene after scene of serene beauty.  I have been truly blessed the past 4 months to see so much of God’s creation.  My favourite place from all the places I have been to in the last 4 months was Norway.  Norway had this distinctive unique beauty.  Serene.  Beautiful. Elegant. Quiet. Peaceful.  God was everywhere.  But then every place has its unique beauty.  Norway is referred to as the New Zealand of the North.  Or New Zealand is referred to as the Norway of the South.  The only difference is that Norway is actually really cold in winter, whereas New Zealand has mild climates, well the north of New Zealand and that it never reaches below 5 degrees in winter.  Can you imagine that?  To live in a country with mild climates all year round.  Never going over 30 in the summer.  Would be a true blessing me thinks.

Maybe this voyage is a stepping stone to meeting you?  Maybe it is where I will meet you.  Who knows what God has in mind? Unless He wants me to alone for many more years to come…

It is not a good day to travel in all honesty.  I have battled with a migraine since Sunday after I did a faux pas – drank 2/3 cups of coffee + stress + extreme heat + lack of sleep = a cocktail of disaster.  Or rather the perfect cocktail for a migraine attack. I suffer from migraines. There was a time where I remember where I was totally migraine free, that was between the year 2012 to 2015.  Then on my son’s first angelversary weekend I woke up with the world’s biggest migraine ever after being healed from them for three long years.

As I am sitting on the train I reflect the past years. How I ended up in Slovakia for the best part of three years after being away from it for 6 years.  Slovakia was a time where I could heal, and come to terms with the loss of my son Sebastian.  It was a refuge.  When I went to Slovakia three years ago I was full of anticipation, excitedly waiting for the arrival of my son, and looking forward to being a mum.  Only for that to change drastically from one day to the next.  From being a mum to a living child to suddenly having to plan a funeral for a little boy I never got to meet in person.  That was hard.  It was the hardest thing I could ever do.  Surrender my son to God. Surrender my child to God and learn to live with the loss, learn to live with a part of me missing.  Learn to honour his life. Slovakia has been good for me.  It gave me respite, it gave me a job, it gave me security, and it gave me time to heal my wounds.  It also gave me time to write my book Sebby – Son of Hope.   I was not expecting to leave Slovakia.  But I did.  I left. I believe God has something great in store for me.  And I feel like it is just around the corner, getting closer to my grasp.

Am I excited for what lay before me?  Yes, I am excited. I am looking forward to a new adventure.  I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for me.  Though at times I feel like it is a bittersweet moment.  I am leaving behind my son, his birthplace. His death place.  To go somewhere new.  To begin a whole new big adventure.  To serve the Lord.  But I am learning that my son will live in my heart forever.  That his memory will not die.  But that he will live on in my heart, and many other people’s hearts.  People he impacts with his story.

Bittersweet in the sense that one door closes and a new door opens. Bittersweet that a chapter closes, and a new chapter opens.  I don’t want to lose contact with the people I have made friends with.  With people who see my potential, who care for me.  I want to continue those friendships.  I want to value those friendships.  And I pray that those doors will stay open for me.  Lord willing, they will still remain friends in my life, and I am able to continue to impact them, to love them for who they are and to appreciate them.

God’s favour and grace is on me.  I am going to a country, where I only know my stepsister and a couple of other people.  I still do not have a place to live, but I trust that the Lord will open a door for me to stay with someone.  So I have peace even if I don’t have a place to live yet.

Life is about facing the challenges with zeal, with an open mind, and not being afraid of the unknown.  It is better to live by faith than to live in fear.

I pray that you will have peace today.

May the Lord bless you on your journey, till we meet.

God bless.

Hannah

 

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