Restless

The past few days I have been feeling increasingly restless. My soul says to me peace, peace, peace.   Have peace Hannah.  Have peace.  Trust the Lord. Seek His face.  Meanwhile my head is overwhelmed with fear increasingly of the unknown.  What does my future entail?  Where will I be in a day’s time?  In a week? In a month?  Where will I be?

And the same question plagues me day in day out… what is my purpose God?  What is it you want me to do with my life God?  Where are you leading me too?  I knew a month ago without a doubt where the Lord was directing me, and what I was meant to be doing.  Oh how I crave for those quiet moments again with the Lord, knowing what He wants me to do.  I was in His will then.  But what is His will now for my life?

I feel restless. Simply restless….

Running helps.  It helps clear the head.  It helps put a focus on life.  It helps lift the mood up when you feel like you are falling into the pit of depression, as if a black dog is following you all around.  It releases the happy hormone and then you can function again like normal for a while.

I feel empty and this dreaded loneliness seems to be engulfing me like a snow avalanche out of control.  I need to learn to not fight this feeling, but to surrender it to the cross because God is in control and seek the peace that surpasses all understanding Philippians 4.7

So, here I am nearly 27 years old, childless, alone in the world trying to figure out what God’s plan is for my life.  I know what I want to do with my life, but it seems like a battle just to get to that point.  Why does everything have to be so difficult in life sometimes?  Why can’t things sometimes not be a little more simple?

So here I am standing at the crossroads of my life wondering which direction to go into.  Which place the Lord wants me to be? Wondering, the endless wonderings of the mind.  And the point is what is the point in wondering, and being anxious when ultimately the Lord is in control of our future? I can’t know or control my future.  Only God knows what is in my future, and so I need to trust Him and seek His presence.

Standing at the crossroad is where I will be till some clarity comes again in my life.

Help me please Lord to be at peace! I desperately need you right now.  Cause I feel like I am sinking, and losing all the good things in my life once more, and that is a dreadful feeling to have.  A feeling I do not want to have, and my whole body seems to be fighting against it.

Help me please Lord, to be at peace.  I need you right now.  Fill me with your endless peace.  Fill me with your endless guidance.  Guide me, Lord, I pray.

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