The last time I went to London was the summer of 2014 when I was pregnant with my son. When I had the whole world at my feet, and felt like life was heading in a positive and wonderful direction. I was at a stage where I was really looking forward to becoming a mum. I was glowing. I was full of pride. Full of love for the little miracle inside of me. Only for it to come crashing down a few short months later.
Life has a funny way of taking a different course. It has always been that way. You plan something for weeks, even months in advance and suddenly everything changes. You are thrown off the beaten track, and straight into the wilderness.. Well that is how it happened to me. Change, transition to becoming a mum only for that to be snatched away at the very last moment. And there I stood at yet another crossroad in my life. Wondering which direction the Lord would take me. Which direction my life would veer into next.
The thing we have to remember is that God’s Good Plan will always prevail over our own. That no matter what happens in life it is a known fact that God knows for sure the story of our life. And so I am standing at the crossroads of life again, waiting for God’s guidance once more, and wondering which direction He wants me to go into.
Up until recently I did not want to go back to London, England, UK. I wanted to avoid it like the plague because I don’t exactly have the nicest memories of this place. But here I am, in Essex or on the border of Essex pondering on how God saw me through my toughest storm, and knowing that I came out of it on the other end in one piece. Praise the Lord.
If it were up to me I would never have gone back to England. I would never have stepped foot here again. But I am here, and I am enjoying myself (so far). Seeing sights, going to places that I would never have gone to before in the past.
There is a certain grace in life. Grace. Faith. Resilience. Love. Strength. Guidance. Miracles. Trust. Peace. Peace and more peace. Like anything in life there will always be challenges. Challenges to face. Adversity to face. Tribulations. In all of this we have a choice to make.
- Do we approach the challenges/adversity in our life with contempt?
- Do we approach life’s challenges with God’s help?
I have come to know in the last couple of years that God is a God of grace, love, mercy, peace, forgiveness. God is a compassionate God, and if we seek His face He will see us through the difficult storms in our lives.
I’ve learnt to trust God and to let Him be my guiding lamp rather than doing everything on my own strength.
Psalm 119.105 Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.
Two and a half years on since my son’s passing, I can finally see a purpose in the wilderness I had embarked on and didn’t think it would have an end to it. I have learnt to rely on God for everything. I will not worry any more for I know that the Lord God will provide for my every need.