In a Nutshell

How many of you have lost something dear to you?  How many of you have lost children but don’t talk about it? How many of you find that you are lost in a world that doesn’t seem to make any sense at all?  How many are questioning what your purpose in life is? What is the meaning of life?  What is the point in living when there is so much pain in the world? So much sadness. How many of you wonder where is God?  Where is God in all of this?

I have questioned countless of times my purpose to God.  What is my purpose?  What does God want me to do with my life?  Why did I even write a book?  Will it help others?  Or was it simply for me to figure out my life and to come to terms with the death of my son Sebastian?

Today I question my mere existence in front of God.  I question why do I have to go through all this pain?  When all I ever wanted was to be my son’s mummy.    And spend the weekend with my child, and play in the snow with him.  I didn’t get that chance.  We’ve covered this topic endlessly.  So I won’t dive into it more deeply.

But Lord – where are you?  What is my purpose in life?  What is it that you want me to do?  In about 80 days approximately my book will be published.  Is this what you want from me? A book? Was I ever meant to be a mummy?  Am I a mummy even if my son isn’t here?  What am I? Who am I? How is my life defined now that my son is no longer here… Do you overcome your grief or do you stay stuck in it forever?

The other day I read something, and I should have voiced my opinion then but I didn’t. It said ‘Grieving Parents do not get over it and they don’t move on.  I am going to have to disagree with that statement.  ‘Grieving parents can get over it and can move on’ if they allow God to heal them.  If they bring their feelings to the foot of the cross and let God bind up their wounds.  Why do people want to be stuck in a state of overwhelming sadness for the rest of their lives?

I am not trying to judge anyone.  But truly I tell you, your child, your lost loved one would want you to move on.  Yes, heck it hurts not having your child here by your side.  But don’t let that stop you from living your life.  If you can’t live your life for yourself.  Live your life for your child that has died.  Live the life that they were meant to live.  Give them a legacy.  Honour your child.  But don’t let yourself wallow in self-pity, or let yourself be rooted in grief’s snare for the rest of your life.  That’s simply not how it should be.

Jesus came to take away our pain and grief so that we can live life.  He took away our suffering.  But it is a conscious choice you have to make.  Do you want to be stuck in grief and not move on? Be miserable for the rest of your life? Or do you want to be happy again, experience peace and joy?  Then do something about it.  Don’t be stuck in this stage of grief for the rest of life.  There is much more to life then wondering why did my child have to die?  Sometimes it just happens for no reason and you have to accept it whether you like it or not.

I had to accept it.  I had to move on. And I did move on.  But you have to be willing to move on.  You have to be willing to accept the death of your child.

I am praying for all of you who cannot figure out how to move on.  I am praying that you will find peace, and that God will comfort you in your time of trouble.  You are not alone, and you don’t have to do this alone.  For the Lord your God is with you.  May the Lord bless you and keep you safe.




3 thoughts on “In a Nutshell

  1. Your not the only one who has questioned God about their purpose. I question it almost daily. With my mental health issues at times I feel like I am the butt of a cruel Joke that God made when he was making me but then on my good days I am just wondering what I am here for.


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