Some of you may have noticed the silence for a short while from butterflies released. I didn’t post nearly as many post as I would do normally. I just didn’t have the energy to write… or maybe I just needed to get away from the hustle and bustle of life and just focus on myself for a change. Who knows?
The last month has been surprisingly refreshing. Not having to worry about if I was impacting the lives of others who read my blog. Not having to worry about writing endless stuff of meaningless jibbery. I needed space to sit in God’s presence and to be still and to hear his voice. But also life has just been so busy that I haven’t had the time to sit and write something meaningful.
The sad thing about life is that we constantly have this onslaught of information thrown into our faces. Constantly on the alert at new messages coming in or at new information coming in. Everywhere we go there is this constant stream of messages, information, words. And I just needed a break from it all to find my way back to a point where I could face the world again.
It is also winter. That doesn’t help. It’s cold and it gets dark early. It’s cold and I can’t do nearly as much as I would be able to do in spring time or summer. It is cold and dark and I have to be aware of my surroundings. I am in a constant state of high alert, waiting, watching as the season shifts and times moves into an endless vacuum of nothingness. God teaches us not to worry about what tomorrow begins, and to be relaxed about today. For God is after all in control of life. Of our very own life.
The past month has been a strange month. I have been working behind the scenes trying to finish my book. Including some new chapters in there to make it flow more easily. Trying to get the book cover finished, and just walking through the leaves. I love the sound of rustling leaves. Of course there is the downside of falling leaves – sometimes after it has rained all day the leaves are soggy and stick to your shoes. As long as it doesn’t rain Autumn is bearable with the long cold dark days.
I spoke with someone the other day and he said ‘finally we have some sun.’ We didn’t have sun for approximately 4 weeks. Just tiny glimpses of it before angry clouds cluttered together and hid the sunlight. It has been rather depressing having no sun.
In the past month I have learned to sit still. To rest. To sit at the foot of the cross and to share my burdens at the foot of the cross. In return because of being still I have been able to witness many miracles in my life and the life of others around me and it encourages me greatly. It shows me that God is at work, even if we feel that he is strangely quiet in our lives. Our God is a God of miracles and He hears our prayers. Prayer is a powerful tool, and I know that if I don’t pray to God that I feel like I am missing out on some very valuable time with my Father in heaven. And I know I do not want to miss out anything. I want to sit in his presence. I want to serve him.
I want to serve people, I want to show them the way towards the cross where healing can occur if you allow God’s love and grace to seep through your stubborn cracks. God is with you.
This month just gone I needed to withdraw into my little woman’s cave and to feel God’s love on my life once more. To refocus my life on him. To allow necessary healing to take place. To hear God’s voice talk to me through various people.
My sister said to me the other day regarding my smile: ‘Your smile sparkles everything you are 🙂 You are a happy person or closer than most despite the heartbreak you have had to endure. You don’t need eyes to see it. You have hope. It is there when you smile, and when you give advice and it’s great. You have found joy without money, not many people can say that. You are tough and fragile at the same time. It is this peace that lives within you that I want to have.’
And then a few short hours later my friend wrote regarding my book cover and having a picture on the back of the book cover: ‘I think its more important for people to get a sense of your identity and humanity for the book to truly minister to them. Seeing your resilience in your face is incredibly powerful.’
It is encouraging to hear people say that they are encouraged by me and that they can see hope and peace within me. I strive to live in God’s presence and if that gives them what they want then I pray that I continue to portray that deep inner peace and joy that I do have!