Don’t You See?

Don’t you see the struggle in my eyes?

The constant battle within me

Falling, falling, falling

Into deep murky water

I drown

I scream

Chest constricts

The pain of being separated

The feeling of being dizzy

The room spinning out of control

Leaning

Learning

Standing

Holding

On

Reminding myself

This only temporary

This pain will go away

 

I wonder to my God

How often will I have these battles?

Are these battles making me wiser?

Or am I becoming more like a fool?

Oh how I wish that life wasn’t such a trial

God is my refuge

So in God I should find my peace

But I feel like the forgotten autumn leaves

Of a timeless time

Retreating into nothingness

Withdrawing into a shell

Of deep human agony

Fading like the seasons

 

God, hear my cry please

Do not forsake me please

When all else

Disappears into a vacuum

Of pain, hurt and anger

You are my refuge

In you I shall seek my rest

Give me oh Lord your peace

And grace upon my life

Help me to seek your will for my life

Not my will oh God.

I need you today, tomorrow

And forever and ever

 

My hands try and find an opening

Behind the glass window

But trapped, trapped is the word

Into an empty void of nihility

Learning to breathe

Learning to stop anxiety

Taking control

My breathing slows

I find an opening

And I can breathe

A sigh of relief

All is well

 

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