Mama’s Grief

You ask me how I am doing?
But the moment I open
My mouth you turn around
Don’t want to listen
To my broken heart
You close your ears
To not hear the pain
You close your eyes
So you will not see
The tears falling, falling
Like a waterfall
Down my face

I am tired of sitting at a desk
Pretending that everything is ok
That nothing happened
I am tired of being strong
I am tired of hearing
‘You are strong’
I am tired of hearing
‘One day you will have
Your rainbow’
I am tired of hearing
‘Time will ease the pain’

You ask how I am coping?

And the answer you are hoping
To hear is
‘I am doing well, thank you very much’
10 weeks on this lonely trek
Through the mountains
But deep down you and I know
My heart is broken
The day they told me
My son had no heartbeat
A part of me died
And was buried with him
And all you can do
Is pretend it never happened

My heart beats, my heart used to
Sing sweet lullabies
And sing with joy but even
My heart has gone still
A happiness gone
Sadness took its place
Mama’s grief comes in huge
Crashing waves and hoping
That one day
Someone will hug her
And let her cry on their shoulder
To express her grief
Without condemnation
The day I lost my son
Is the day I died too
And every day is a step further
And closer, my heart dies, all over
Again and again and again

The tears fall and
I am left
To pick up
My broken puzzle pieces
Not once
Not twice
But three times
I am left to wonder
If my life will turn
One day
To a colourful season
I put one foot
In front of the other
The tears fall
And blur the road
There is no-one to catch me
I fall to my knees
I weep heartbroken tears
I walk this lonely empty
Road of grief

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