A Letter from Sebastian

Dear Mommy,

I know how hard life has been for you in the last year, and how hard you’ve tried to fight through each battle, and through each storm. Believe it or not you’re doing better than you think you are.

I remember when I died – you wrote heaps to me. You wrote yourself a Mother’s Day card, and a New Year’s Eve card for yourself, to read a year later to see the progress that you’ve made. And you made a lot of progress. Sometimes it will feel like life isn’t moving forward but it is moving forward slowly even if you don’t see it, feel it.

Look at the amount of progress you made in the last years since I died.  You picked yourself up, found a job, found a place to live, did your driving license, published a book, looked after grandma, toured, moved to Germany, toured again, moved to the Isle of Wight, found a family that understands you for who you are and doesn’t judge you for who you are. That is progress Mommy.

You need to learn to give yourself a break. Learn to find time to relax. I know how much you enjoy hearing the water and how your whole being just relaxes when you are there. I know things haven’t been easy but don’t just focus on the bad stuff that has happened, focus on the good stuff too and see how much you’ve achieved in the last five years rather than just on the stuff that has dragged you down recently.

You’re a beautiful person inside and out and I love you very much Mommy, you are loved by many, and one day you will have a special somebody by your side. All in God’s time. All by the grace of God, but I do believe that good things will happen to you. You just have to hold on and keep believing, keep trusting.

You were brave Mommy a month ago you did a brave thing. You stepped out of your comfort zone and you did the right thing. You did what you needed to do to protect yourself and others. I am very proud of you.  More importantly you are courageous, and what I see is a fighter in you.  Someone that keeps persevering even when the going gets tough. Even when you fall and cry. Even when you feel like you can’t keep going, you battle through the storm and you keep going.

You are a blessing to many people – even though you don’t realise it. You help where you can and put other people’s needs above your own needs.  You’ve always done that for as long as I know you.  You always want to help someone not for an ulterior motive but because you genuinely care, and you are genuinely concerned for their well-being. This is a wonderful quality to have.

Please don’t be disheartened, things will get better.  Just keep turning to God. Keep your eyes on him, keep talking to him like you do every morning by reading his word and by writing to him in your special book.  Eventually you will connect with him and hear his still voice amidst the storm. You are precious to him, and he certainly hasn’t abandoned you, and never will.  You are safe. You are loved. You are valued. You do not have to prove who you are. You just have to be you.  Keep smiling. Keep doing what you do to fight through and things will eventually get better.

I love you dearly Mommy.


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