Matthew 6.33-34 – But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I feel restless today. That time between knowing you are about to enter into the next season/phase of your life and still in that period of resting. In that period where you are just seeking to be in God’s presence. I know others who are restless today for different reasons. We all have worries, but the Bible teaches us to let go of our worries, for tomorrow has it’s own worries.  When I think about it – that statement is true. Why worry about something that is beyond your control?

I prayed a lot today, asking God to show me the way. Praying for others too… God does answer our prayers when we seek him. When we knock on the door provided he thinks this is the best way forward for us.  I applied to a counselling course recently. I want to study to become a grief counsellor.  This week I should know whether I am accepted on the course or not.  I already received an e-mail which sounded optimistically positive and concerned at the same time.  I reassured them that I have worked through most of my issues over the last decade through various different counsellors and that the loss of my son and daughters, the abuse of my ex-husband is no longer raw like it used to be. After all, I do talk about this openly to people when I talk in churches, women’s groups and prisons. So, it is just a matter of turning it into a professional qualification.  Lord willing that door will open. Please Lord. Today is the first time I feel excited and peaceful that this could be it… That I am approaching the edge of the water. Who knows?

Despite my feelings of excitement I feel restless. And when I feel restless I have a tendency to overeat. Ugh… But one day in many weeks of eating out of necessity is OK.  I have learnt a lot about being still in the Lord’s presence. Things I know are beginning to look more positive for me.

This time in Germany in the protective folds of the mountains has helped me to come to a place of rest.  Has allowed my emotions to equalise once more. And I am beginning to feel that I can rise above these emotions of despair, anxiety, fear, insecurities. Bit by bit. Deep inner healing is occurring and I praise the Lord for that. Thank you Lord for your love and grace upon my life. Thank you for leading me here, so that I could come to a place of rest among people who have a genuine gift of love and care for others. I pray that you protect them through their own struggles as you have for me.

It’s raining now. When it rains, I see it as a blessing from God.  God is pouring out his blessing on us.  Each rain drop is a prayer for this very broken world that is in dire need of saving.