Today is my middle child’s (Elouise) 5th birthday.  Or she would have been 5.  But didn’t get to be 5.  Because 5 years ago she was called home.  I don’t know what to say.. Except by the grace of God I am still here, standing tall.

I went to the seafront today, and threw some flowers in it and watched them drift away with the sand.  Like Elouise came she drifted away into the sands.  Its always hard a day like this. I never know quite what I should do.  I loved my child very much.  So it seems appropriate to throw roses into the sea to remember her.

Happy Birthday my sweet little Elouise.  You’d have been 5 today.   A  big girl. And yet so small.  I wonder what it would have been like to have you here….. What you would have looked like… What your smile would have looked like.  The colour of your eyes?

Thank you for all that you have taught me: to fight, to not fear, to love unconditionally.  Thank you for the courage you gave me. Thank you for being my daughter even if it was for a short while.

I love you sweet girl.