Unwanted Memories

I closed my eyes and i saw you running free like a bird. I wonder when this pain will disappear amongst the flowers of the earth. The pain is like a thorn in my heart. It keeps crushing and crushing me until I crumble underneath the pressure.

24 months and  bit ago I gave birth to you and your spirit went to be with Jesus… Free of worry. You have never felt any pain. The pain that I endure daily of wondering what life entails. Of where the path I am taking will lead me. What is the point in all of this? What is the point? Why? How? Where? Love, kindness, awe all mixed into one.

How can I love you so much and barely know you? Barely had the privilege to watch you grow. Barely almost got to hold you and then with a click of a finger your heart stopped beating. I just don’t get why you had to die. I hate this pain. I just hate it.

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