Drawing to a Close

The year is drawing to a close.  Many aspects in my life are drawing to a close.  It is hard to imagine where time went in the past year.  It was a whirlpool of activity. As I was walking to work this morning, I was wondering where time has gone. So much has happened.  So, so much.

Book to be completed in 3 weeks, and then early next year it will be published, released.  Hard to imagine.  Hard to imagine.  I wonder how I got to this point.  I marvel at the many blessings that God has poured down onto my life this year and the years before.  All of His blessings over the last years have given me a purpose in life, a sense of belonging.  A sense of knowing what direction I need to go with my life.

Back at the start of the year – I put the book I wrote for Sebastian as a lost cause. I wasn’t ever going to publish it.  It would collect dust on my book shelf.  I don’t have the ambition or drive to get it published.  I don’t even know where to begin.  Those were my thoughts earlier this year.

How did I get to a place from January/February/March time to December with just 3 weeks to go and the book will be completed, ready to go to the printers.  How in the world did that happen? What happened to the last year?  Where did time go?  What did I do with my time this year? Did I waste it? Did I successfully manage it?

Along with the book publication nearing, my stomach is all in knots experiencing a wave of emotions.  From complete and utter despair to complete excitement with nervous butterflies in my stomach.  Will it help other people? Will people be impacted by my son’s story?   I guess ultimately its about knowing who you are in Christ, and that even if it doesn’t impact anyone it was therapeutic for me to write it down.

A quarter of the year went by – April came along, I was knocking on death’s door when I realized this is not how life is supposed to be.  You have to choose life.

The thing I have come to know is that my life is like a river flowing in and out as you desperately cling on to something so that you won’t sink, so that you won’t perish. So that you keep living, keep breathing even when the dark thoughts come to the forefront of your mind, and death’s soft, sweet melodic voice calls you to a place of blissful rest, but a harsh, stern voice reminds you that there is life.

Life.

Life.

Life.

Life.

Life.

Choose life.

Choose life.

That dilemma is now solved, I won’t be lured by death’s seduction, but I will listen to the voice of life so that I may live freely in God’s love.

And so by choosing to live, a whole horizon of opportunities started knocking on my door.  The potential of being able to record my book.  The gift from God of being able to write, and have the financial means to publish my book, and then again friends and family who have encouraged me to come this far and showed me that there is hope despite this massive gaping hole in my life.  Oh and then there is my driving license looming in the not too distant future. So many opportunities i have embraced.  So much hope. So busy.  And this is all done by the grace of God.

Life is about embracing the endless possibilities that are thrown into your face.  It is about learning to let go of the past and accepting your new norm.  About facing the challenges that are thrown in your face head on.  And about being at peace with the decisions you make for your future. It isn’t about comparing your life with someone else.  It is about finding that inner peace within yourself.

Live your life.  Don’t let someone else live your life and make all the decisions in your life. Live your life, follow God’s will and learn to be happy with the reality you live in.  Learn to be at peace and learn to have joy in all circumstances for God is good.  I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  Philippians 4.13.

I look forward to saying goodbye to this year, and opening the door of God who hosts a whole new host of opportunities for me.  May you all be blessed this year and in the coming year!

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