James 1.17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
Last week has come and gone, fluttered by. Normally holidays for me go quickly, but last week it had a time of its own. It was mainly a peaceful weak. Though I had a lot of turmoil inside of me, what with my son’s birthday, and just lacking purpose in life, until of course God always finds a way to encourage me when I need it the most.
I was going down into a negative spiral quite quickly last week, and then I received a beautiful monetary gift towards my book:
Son of Hope
which I am planning to self-publish in March 2017. But for self-publishing you need money for it, and having little money it was a pleasant surprise and a definite answer to my prayer that God provides. God always provides. If we don’t have the money – God does! I have to remember that. It was a wonderful answer to prayer. It gave me hope, and it reminded me that the book is indeed in God’s will and Lord willing it will be able to impact the lives of many parents who have gone through similar losses as I have done.
Also, its not only that, another dear friend of mine has offered to help pay for the book cover, and for that I feel totally blessed, as there are people out there that believe in me, and believe that the book can impact the lives of others. Which encourages me greatly because only last week was I thinking of scrapping the whole thing and tossing it in the rubbish bin because I was having one of my self-pity parties – thinking who me?! I can’t impact or influence anyone. But God has different ideas then to the ideas that I have!
God always knows how to encourage you at the perfect timing. Right when you need it the most. Right when you feel like you are drowning in the pit of despair and don’t know how to exit the pit of despair.
Last week was a week of drawing close to God during what is viewed as one of the more difficult weeks in the year for me. It is a time when I should be celebrating my son’s birthday, not celebrating someone’s death. Yet, this little boy had such a huge impact on my life when I was pregnant with him for those nine long months, it is impossible to forget about him. I only know that as time moves forward, my love for him remains. Without a doubt Sebby has had a great influential impact on me going back to my faith, and clinging onto God during my roughest days.
Is the wilderness over? No, I guess not. I am still sifting through a whole host of issues, but I am healing. I am getting there, even though sometimes I just want to get off the roller-coaster ride and give up on life. I know that there is a brighter and better future out there waiting for me. I just have to learn to be patient, learn to relax, and learn to give it all to God, for God will work it out for the glory of His kingdom.
I just hope that things will improve and that when the book will be published, that it can help other people. That this will be in God’s will. That life will be different somehow. But will it be different? Or am I just dreaming? Hoping? That it will be different. I just want a period in life where I am not hit with a snow storm of trials, but rather I want to have a time where I can walk beside still waters and enjoy the peace in life, and be free of worry. The hardest thing to learn is to be joyful during trials and tribulations. I struggle.. with that.
Sometimes I day dream of the ‘perfect’ family. What it would have been like to grow up in a family where everyone loves you for who you are and that there is no conflict. But I have come to know that each family has their own battles, own struggles, I guess it is just part of life. But I do wish that my family life was more of a happy upbringing. God reminded me on the weekend, that though there is pain in life, and there are trials in life, you can see a blessing in it, if only you open your eyes a bit more to see it and don’t shut your mind to anything. Be open to God’s blessings. Be thankful when you receive His blessing. Worship God. Praise God.
My happiest days are when I am walking closely alongside God, and I can see him working for the glory of His kingdom through various people. I think life is about trials, and when you face trials rather then being grumpy about it, learn to deal with each trial and tribulation with a good godly attitude and in life you will come far, and you will see that more and more people will want to have what you have and that is ultimately: peace. And that comes from the heavens above.
I am blessed to have various people in my life, who encourage me, who love me, who support me when I go through my darkest days and who tolerate me for who I am, and who don’t try to change me. They just accept me for all my flaws. I am thankful for God and for the fact that he has been able to bless me and encourage me by reminding me that I am on the right path towards publishing my book. I am grateful to my family. I hope that one day I can bless other people in the same way that people have blessed me either monetarily or just with a kind word here and there. To give is better than to receive..
Wisdom from Winnie the Pooh
A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference.