Drifting in and out of consciousness. Pain stabbing my head as if there is a knife lodged in my head. Ready to explode. Losing hope. Feeling low. I just want this to end. I just want all of this pain to end. I hate July. I hate July. I hate Mondays, I hate this feeling of emptiness after I have had a severe migraine attack… where it knocks me out completely. I was doing well, I was feeling peace, but then the devil had to come and throw me of course again… Each time Lord I have a migraine attack it knocks the confidence out of me and in comes the unwelcome thoughts of uncertainty. I feel like it’s a spiritual attack on me. Lord I pray that you will heal me in the blood of Jesus from these migraine attacks. Lord, I place my trust in you. I anchor my hope in you. I will delight in you. I hate feeling so uncertain about my future but I know Lord that you are in control, and that whatever happens your ways are surely better than my ways.. Lord I give you all my negative emotions and anxieties today. I will not worry about tomorrow for you are in control of my life.
Sleep comes in fits and I stumble in out of the world of consciousness as my brain is being attacked by this incomprehensible pain. Not sure which is worse: labour pains or migraine pains… I know that with labour pains there is an end in sight and usually a reward: you get a baby. With migraine pains, it can last anywhere between 4 hours to 72 hours, and often times even then the painkillers don’t really work. It’s a joke really. ‘Yeah, if you could go ahead and make migraine medicine that actually works, THAT WOULD BE GREAT! ‘ Oh how I wish such a thing existed. But for some reason I know that the medicine that the doctors are going to give me will not help me overcome these migraine attacks, because the migraine attacks I am having I feel are spiritual. It’s the devils attempt to weaken my defences, to weaken my anchor which I have placed in God. The devil is trying everything in his power to loosen my resolve to follow God, except the devil has got it all wrong. I will continue to follow God. I have decided to follow Jesus. His ways are better than my ways, so I will trust God to get me through, and I believe that Jesus will heal me from this painful disease attacking my brain.
I cannot write much today, because the throbbing pain is still quite bad. Better than it was this morning and last night, but still there, a reminder that in the face of trials my anchor is in God. My hope is in God. That despite all the trials of this world I will glorify God’s name and I will worship him with all my heart and all my soul. I will follow the lamb regardless of what is being thrown on my path.
The Lord is my strength and he walks with me in the shadow of the valley of death. God is walking with me. God is walking ahead of me. God is carrying me through this, just like he has done all those other times. Just like he is carrying you through your trials and tribulations. God hears your cry, all you have to do is cry to him in earnestly and he will hear you and he will not forsake you. God is the only one that will not forsake you and will not reject you. He will hold you close to his heart, and heal you, all you have to do is call out to him and he hears you and he will deliver you from this pain in his perfect timing. Instead of swearing, and complaining about the pain. Ask God, what are you trying to teach me through this? What can I learn from this? How can I help others to overcome their hurts and tribulations?
God is grace. God is love. He gives and he takes away (Job 1.21). God knows what is best for us. In him I place my trust. I will let him have control over every aspect of my life, even if he wants me to go through the trials of migraines I will learn to worship him in the face of adversity. I will trust him, and I will allow his tender love to flow through my veins as I cling onto him. I am merely a broken vessel, clinging onto God for healing and for his love. Lord fill me please with your peace. Thank you Lord for your love. I love to be in your presence and I seek to be with you all of my days. Thank you Lord. Thank you for loving me, and healing me in your perfect timing. Thank you Lord for your peace.