Often times we make plans for our future, but the Lord’s plans prevail. Proverbs 19.21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. We should not underestimate God’s power. I remember a time when I had many plans for my future. I had dreams for my son. Dreams to be the best mummy in the world, but the Lord had other plans for my life. After my son died, for a long time I felt like I couldn’t have plans. I didn’t dare have plans. I didn’t dare to have hope, and desires, because I was afraid that those plans would also fail. Only the Lord’s plans will succeed, and in order to know what the plans are from our heavenly father we need to look heavenwards and wait for his soft voice to speak to our hearts. Ultimately, we need to find our peace with the decisions that we are making for our future.
Though there seems to be a lot of uncertainty in my future, I know that the Lord’s purpose will prevail over the purpose that I have set for my life. And in order to trust him, I need to spend time in a lot of prayer and believe that God puts desires in our hearts that will become a reality one day, a true story.
There was one time in my life when I knew without a doubt, that I was following the Lord’s will for my life. Completely, at peace with the decision that I had made, and I observed God move mountain after mountain in my life, overcoming every obstacle that was being thrown at me. Wow. Just wow. I was in complete awe at the power of my wonderful majestic God. That time was a very special time for me. Learning to trust God, and getting to know him on a much deeper and powerful level.
Late January 2014, early February 2014, I had a very clear conviction in my heart that I had to leave my husband and move away from the city I was living in, to another city. I didn’t know why I had to leave. I just knew I had to leave. My life was no longer safe – living at home with a violent husband, whose moods swings changed as quickly as the English weather. It was an awful time, my faith at the time was very weak, but somehow I clung onto my faith. It was the only hope that I had left in my life. I was spiritually dry. The words in the bible were dry like dust, somehow it was not penetrating to my very soul, my very being. I felt very alone, isolated, and afraid. Depressed. Suicidal. Broken. Fed up. Drowning in my own self-pity. Lacked self-motivation. No way of moving away from a dangerous situation, until late January, early February when I kept waking up with a clear conviction I have to leave now, or I will never leave. Or I will be stuck in this endless cycle of abuse forever, which ultimately would have led to my own death. I don’t know, but the Holy Spirit was doing some serious work in my heart, opening up a doorway for me to leave. And leave I did.
After another violent blow on February 1st 2014, – I wasn’t able to go into work for a few days. Come Wednesday I went back to work, I got a number for a woman’s shelter. I called the number when I reached home. My heart pounding in my throat. My breathing heavy. Afraid that I would get caught with the plan that was about to unfold. They told me on the phone to call again when it was safe to call. I called on Thursday 6th February enquiring about a way to leave my abusive home situation. They reassured me there was a way, and as it was closing time for them, requested that I call them back the following day Friday 7th February which I did. I phoned at break time, to be precise it was 10.10am when I called, they told me they have a room available and asked when I can get there by. I said I can come Sunday. So the plan unfolded. I sprang into action. I spoke with my boss, told her I would not be coming back as I was in an abusive situation and needed to leave ASAP. She said she understood. And THANKS TO BE GOD for the financial support I got from my work place – one and a half months of salary. I left without a second thought. Saturday 8th February, I was on tenterhooks all day. I had to wait till my husband left for work, and till his sister had left the house completely. It was a slow agonizing wait. Eventually my husband left, and my two friends came over, and helped me to pack all my personal belongings, into the two cars. We literally emptied the entire apartment. And I left. I was so afraid that he would come home from work any moment. It was like we had superwomen powers. It took us two hours of packing and emptying the entire apartment before we made our great big escape. The police were on standby. I think they were possibly amused – by the fact that we emptied the entire flat in a flurry of activity. But they didn’t disagree. They supported it whole heartedly. But the reasoning behind emptying the entire flat, was so that he would know I would never come back. That my husband would know I had no intention of returning to his abusive hands.
A moment of relief, was when my friend was standing in the lift to prevent it from closing, and I was throwing bag after bag after bag after bag into the lift. To this day I still laugh about it. It was comical relief in what was a very stressful situation and could have potentially been a very volatile situation. We drove the cars away into the darkness of the night as it was pouring down. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t elated. Not sure how to describe what I was feeling in that moment. I guess I was just in a state of shock and completely numb at how my life was unfolding before me. My friends drove me to another town in England where I would stay the night, and the following morning board the bus with one bag of personal belongings. And there I was – battered and bruised – arriving at the shelter, completely shell shocked. But the peace I had from God was indescribable. I felt safe in the arms of Jesus, safe in his everlasting arms. I knew I had made the right decision. Saying that I did go through a whole host of emotions ranging from guilt to elation. Should I go back to my husband? As the distance between my husband and I grew, and the time I spent away from him, the more frightened I was to go back. The more I realized how much of my freedom I had lost when I was with him. How he broke down all my walls and made me feel so insignificant, like a failure, worthless, unlovable. I was a broken woman. I was a pregnant woman – though I wasn’t really aware of it. Maybe in denial at the thought of carrying his child. God walked with me then. I knew he was there, because of the peace that wrapped itself tightly around my body, without the fear, and the panic that my daily life usually consists of. I knew that God was in control no matter what would happen. Praise the Lord for keeping me safe. I whole heartedly trusted in God to provide for my every need, and I lived for God. I live for God now, and I will always live for God!
The year twenty fourteen without a doubt was a year full of miracles and blessings that came from God, and I knew that he was real. I felt his presence around me. I had joy. It is hard to imagine a woman having joy when they live in a shelter and at the predicament of their situation. But I had joy. I wasn’t worried about what I would eat or wear, or how I would survive. I lived my life day by day as if it were my last. I did have doubts, but I was able to conquer them quite quickly when they raised to the surface.
What is the moral of this story? To trust God with your entire life, rather than trying to have control in certain areas of your life. If you allow God to have control in all areas of your life, be assured you will be blessed tremendously. You will witness God moving mountains in your life. Live your faith out like a naïve child. With that child-like innocence and you will see God move, and God moves. Boy He can move any obstacle and rescue from the pit of despair. Psalm 40:2-4 – He lifted me out of the pit of despair, He has given me a new song to sing. Oh the Joy of those who trust in the Lord. I learnt a lot that year – as I trusted God with every small minute detail of my life. I trusted him, and he provided for me. I had no money, and he gave me food to eat. I had a friend, and he gave me a friend. He mended bridges between my family and I, and brought us back together. He healed broken relationships. He gave me a son (whom sadly passed away) that I could love, and who brought me back to the loving arms of Jesus. Safe in the ever-lasting arms of Jesus.
My question for you today is – do you allow God to be in control of every area of your life? Or do you still try and exert control in certain areas of your own life? Unveil yourself before the cross, and allow God to seep in, and allow God to lead you on the righteous path. Allow God to give you the desires and hopes for your future. Trust him that he will give you the best life possible. Believe that anything is possible. For where there seems to be no way – God always makes a way. My challenge is to completely trust in God, and to believe that the plans I have for 2017 will come into frustration. So I pray, and I believe, and I trust in God, and I relax in his presence, and wait for Him to open the next door. But for now, I know he has opened already a few doors towards those plans for 2017, and so I believe he will continue to open those doors for 2017. Patience is a virtue. Have patience!
This same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
Hallelujah God for providing for all our needs, and for allowing us to be safe in the arms of Jesus, save in his everlasting love. Thank you! Hallelujah. I will praise your holy name, and delight in you.