Tidal Wave of Anxiety

Anxiety is like a tidal wave. It comes like rapids.  Like the tides that suck in and out.

Lately my life seems to be controlled by the tidal wave of anxiety.  One moment I feel ok. The next I am sinking fast into the mire of anxiety. Trapped. An internal rage, clinging to me like cling film. I want to scream but I cannot scream. I want to cry but I cannot cry. Instead irritability stares at me. Consumes me. Exhaustion corrupts my being. Shame lingers. Guilt fights. I can’t do this anymore. I want to give up. I want God to hear me. But he has gone silent.

I want to run. I want to hide. But where will I go? Who will hear me? Does anyone care? Does anyone see behind the deceptive smile – the brokenness. The pain. Broken trust. Shattered dreams. My 20s wasted. Who will pick me up – the broken little girl and hold me till I feel safe and secure? Who will tell me that it will be ok? Will it be ok? Or will this desperate anxiety cling onto me till I give in to the spirit of death that lingers above me like a rain cloud. I want to live and be normal. But I can’t do it anymore. I just cant.

Anxiety comes unexpectedly, silently, constricting me, raging inside of my being and I feel trapped. Stuck in a jar helpless. Hopeless. Lost. Confused. Shattered.I want to share but I don’t want to share. Because if I share I am a burden and people will wonder will she ever be ok ? At peace? Joyful? Or will she always be like this. Dragging.  Draining. Lagging behind. Lost soul. Lost hope. This is who I am.

One thought on “Tidal Wave of Anxiety

  1. No it is not who you are – it is how you feel.
    You are God’s beloved daughter!
    However you feel!
    Speek it out loud who you are.
    Don’t believe the lyer from the beginning!
    You are God’s beloved daughter!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s