As I walked along the road besides busy morning rush hour traffic, I felt blessed that I didn’t have a car and that I didn’t take a bus. The fresh crisp morning air helped clear my senses. Although, saying that I would probably have liked it more if I could have walked through the park to work but unfortunately there is no park between my house and the office. I left at 6.23 my apartment and arrived at my destination for 7.03. I thought it would take longer… I thought in part it took long, with my skirt twisting out of place. My backpack on my back, my hair looking rather messy upon arrival managed to escape somehow from her hair jail.
I found it particularly trying this morning walking to the office. Partly because the roads were busy and I couldn’t zone out and get wrapped in my own world. Perhaps it is because of the mounting fear that I have in my chest, the fear of another counselling session around the corner. The inner turmoil that my counselor is so good at chipping away bit by bit. Ah the agony of having to go in and baring my soul so freely and without reserve! Painful emotionally; painful for my pocket. But everything is done for the Glory of God?! – eh? Tuesdays are always particularly difficult. I find it hard to concentrate or focus on anything. So it is good to clear my head as the day breaks.
I thank God that I am an early bird every single day of my life. I have never been one to like to sleep in till past the time that everyone is getting ready for work. I like to get up early, and have my quiet time with God in the morning and just be able to worship him and thank him silently from my heart, as I listen to soothing music that eases the hopelessness in my heart. God is good! God gives me hope constantly and never leaves me alone to battle my sadness alone. I got up early today and I prayed and I made myself some fresh orange juice. Always – a glass of fresh orange juice is to set the day in motion. Without fresh orange juice where would life be?
My favourite place in the entire world is when I can get up on a Saturday morning and walk beside any form of water (river, lake, sea – no matter!) Water has this soothing calming effect and it brings this deep peace within me as I gaze over God’s beautiful creation. The sun just peeking from behind the moon and you look in awe stuck wonder – how can people not believe that there is a God when the beauty is staring right in your face? It comforts me to know that God knows every part of me. Psalm 139:13 For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. God, the lover of my soul is teaching me so much about having grace, and to be more humble and caring towards others.
A challenge I have on a daily basis is when someone takes something from me without asking or says something to upset me than I have to breathe deeply and say this is not worth fighting over. I have to pick and choose my battles. In this daily exercise I learn patience, and to love unconditionally despite someone’s faults and despite feeling in my mind that they were in the wrong. I learn to forgive. God is teaching me a lot about grace, and humbleness. Oh I wish I could be more and more like Jesus. I need more Jesus in my life. Every day I pray more Jesus. More Jesus. If I am having a particularly difficult day – all I have to say is Jesus. And Jesus is with me. Hallelujah!
I am writing this as I am sitting in my office, trying to muster up the strength to work. My heart isn’t in this job. All I want to do is write my heart away. Free my soul from whatever is pressing onto my heart so deeply that it often hurts. Writing helps clear my head. It is therapeutic. God knows it! I know it! It is well with my soul. The Lord is with me and gives me hope when there is no hope in the future or when everything seems so hopeless. Thank you God for your grace upon my life. Thank you for protecting me.
My prayer for today is that I may be a blessing, an encourager to someone out there. And that I will not feel that I am unloved. God loves me. Dear Lord, thank you for your love. Thank you for the strength you have given me and for creating me. Saved by your amazing grace and yet I don’t deserve it. You love me Lord. Thank you Lord. Please help me to encourage others, and to share your good news with the world. You are the way to the cross. I want to lay all my burdens at the cross, and be in your presence always. I pray that I may feel your blessing in my life. That your will be done in the journey that I am taking. Thank you Lord. More Jesus. More Jesus please. More Jesus. More Jesus. I pray for whoever may be going through emotional turmoil and that they may know the comfort of God and that they will feel protected underneath the shelter of God’s wings. I pray that they will have peace and joy through the storm o Lord hear my prayer. Thank you Lord for your protection. In your most precious name I pray. Amen.