Lamentations 3:25-32 – The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord. And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of his discipline: let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord’s demands. Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last. Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies. For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
When I left a couple of weeks ago I felt like I was in exile. Abandoned. Rejected. Confused. Broken. Landing at my brother’s house in the middle of my own battlefield. My own brokenness. I didn’t know if I was going to go back or if I was going to stay where I landed. I had no idea what God was going to do or is going to do. It took all my strength just to get through the day in one piece. It took all my strength to focus on the love of God and not to let fear and doubt drown me.
I feel like I went into exile as I withdrew from society to learn more about myself, but more importantly about the power that God has within us. That God lives within us to those that call upon His name. That God is near to the brokenhearted and that He does not abandon us even when we feel like He has. I withdrew into myself. Became distant and not very sociable to the people around me. I didn’t know how to communicate. I didn’t want to communicate. I just wanted to withdraw. I had this urge to fix everything and I couldn’t. So, I went to the only source that I knew. The source of life. The One that had my life in the palm of His hands. I went to Him. I went down on my knees and I prayed in the dust around me. Praying. Weeping. Praising. Worshipping. Fighting. Believing. Learning not to doubt. Learning not to allow anxiety to take control over my life. Instead I learned to depend on God for all things. I learned that there is power in prayer. More importantly, I learned there is power in Jesus name and that those who call upon Him, Jesus will come and guide us out of the battlefield and allow us to rest.
God is good. Sometimes it takes a while for God to reveal to us where we might have gone wrong and what we need to change in ourselves. But before God can do that He often needs to take us to the deepest levels of despair for us to be able to hear his voice plainly and clearly. I have learned an important lesson over the last weeks. I need to be more dependent on God, less on those around me, especially on those that I love dearly and hold and cherish close to my heart. I need to learn to let go, and give us all room and space to do our own things. I guess sometimes fear is more overwhelming than I realised in my life. But God really opened my eyes to my own failings. I’ve had to apologise to God and ask for forgiveness and to those around me. A hard lesson learned. I should not just depend on God for just when I want Him in my life or for when it suits me but I need to be fully dependent on God for all things no matter the circumstances. This was a hard lesson I learned. Yet so worthwhile and rewarding.
I also learned that apologising first is sometimes better as it teaches us to be humble even when we feel like we don’t want to do it, because we feel like we’ve been wronged. But the Bible teaches us the following verse:
Colossians 3.12-14 – Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
In order for me to move on with my life, I had to apologise and forgive as Father God forgave us for our sins. I have learned that no-one is perfect in this world. We all make mistakes. I know with an absolute certainty and conviction in my heart that I do not want to carry a root of bitterness in my life. Because simply put, this root of bitterness will hinder me from moving forward with my own life. I am learning. The road is not always easy and clear but I am learning. I have hope in my Lord.
I have trust in my Lord, and I truly believe in my heart that God restores what is broken, but He does this in ways we cannot see. He does this behind the scenes on His huge tapestry where all the knots are from behind, and for us only to see the perfection in the front. Only God can perform wonders in our lives if we invite Him in and let Him guide us each and every step of the way – whether we like it or not.
I am no longer in exile, but God has revealed to me the error of my ways. God is an absolute amazing God. A God of compassion. A God of forgiveness. God is faithful and good. He is enough. He is the lover of my soul. The Lord of my life and in Him I put my trust. In Him I believe that all things are possible. The Lord restores tot us what is broken in his perfect timing and blesses us when we continue to seek His face and are continually obedient to what He wants us to do. His way. Not my way. His way always. His way. His way. For He is Yahweh.
Go Hannah! Been praying this for you ever since I started reading this blog. Hang in there, God will most definitely bring you through. Though sometimes, as you well know, and writing from my own experience, ‘through’ is the last way we want to go! But God gives strength, patience, persistence and the grace to continue. And I’m here because of that. As are you. Hallelujah!
So glad to read this. Safe journey back to the Island, to Newport, to Lee, to everything, and to your new job on Monday.
As ever, we’re praying for you. The Lord bless and keep you and turn His face to you as you turn your face to Him.