When the memories crash and floodgates open?
Anxiety rises. He’s lurking behind the shadows
Of every nightmare, of ever haunted memory
Of every moment in my day
He seems to know how to control me
Knows how to scare me
Into a sense of defeat
A sense of failure
I am simply not good enough
Are there any memories free of pain?
He hurt me, but does he know?
I should have been safe but I was not
He did not care. He did not love.
Last words I ever heard from him were
Your baby is a monster
I turned my back to him
Knowing my son comes first
I did what I had to
Protect my precious son
Yet he and he are back
Haunting my sleep
Anxiety comes crashing down
Like an earthquake
I feel trapped like I cannot escape
What if he and he come?
Will I be safe?
Will I be safe I wonder?
Who will protect me?
What happens now?
Anxiety is at my door
I find myself breathless
Unable to breathe
Fear paralyses me
Frozen and afraid
Alone I am once more
I used to pray
Dear God protect me this evening
Dear God please let him be in a good mood
Sometimes God answered, sometimes he did not
Did the Lord hear my prayers I wonder
Did he hear my pleas – please protect me?
I wonder… I do wonder as the dark night falls
I was unsafe. Alone.
I became the invisible girl.
Still feel invisible… at times
When the nightmares are at their peak
No-one sees behind the well of tears
No-one sees behind the pained smile
And now, he’s coming to haunt my sleep
He’s back. Back this time. Why I wonder?
Am I safe? Who will be there for me if he comes?
Fear renders me to the spot
And so anxiety tries to rise
A shattered dream
Is calling to be repaired
And here I am
Still trying to build
On the shattered dreams,
Still trying to mend the broken hope
Somehow still believing in love
To heal the hurt