The pain is worse than yesterday. I can barely turn my head without excruciating pain yelling at the top of its voice when I turn my head to the right. I am not sure where the pain has come from. Limited movement. Limited everything. Makes me feel cranky and vulnerable. The thing with this pain is I can feel it. Unlike migraine pain. Which doesn’t cause this pain that I am feeling now. I don’t know how to describe this pain.
But I am struggling to keep my head above the water. Trying to cope when even that seems to be in vain. Moving is a struggle. Putting my clothes on is a struggle. Even going in the shower is a struggle. I have limited head movement. And when I accidently move in a funny way it seems as if my neck/shoulder goes even more frozen.
The pain’s tentacles seem to spread across the wider shoulder area now. Actually, it started on Thursday the pain. Just neck pain. Nothing as severe as yesterday or today. Today is just another lousy day, where I can barely move without having the knowledge that I do have a neck and shoulder. What can I do? How can I move my neck when it won’t let me move? The pain screams at me, and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I just want someone to wrap me in their arms and tell me its going to be OK. But will it be OK?
On the plus side, I can move my neck to the left side with limited mobility. Not totally but at least the range of movement is more than to the right. If I want to have another angle of where I am sitting I have to shift in my seat so that my eyes can explore the surrounding area.
I wonder maybe it is something that I have done to cause this neck pain? But what could it be? In moments where the pain becomes unbearable I feel like the whole world is laughing at me, like the whole world is against me and I don’t know where to go, what to do. I just feel totally broken. It is like the devil is laughing at me. Making fun of me. First my back went funny a few weeks ago, eventually the back pain eased. Then it was my ankle. As I ran free like the wind I stumbled over my ankle. It was nothing major, but by the time I got back to my room, my ankle looked like a deformed balloon. That took a week to recover from. And as I was getting ready to start the running again, my neck packed in. When will this physical pain end? When will this emotional pain end? Will someone hold me and tell me that it will be OK? That things are OK. That this is just a temporary phase where everything seems to be working against the current. Like an uphill battle against the raging sea.
I feel like the devil is somehow trying to cause a stir, and I am hating every minute of it. I just want everything to go back to normal again to how it was. I don’t want people to be angry with me. I want people to see me for who I am. A gentle spirit.
How do I get rid of this pain? Lord, help me please. I can’t cope with this pain anymore. I am not sure if its worse than a migraine or not. At least with a migraine I know the pain will go away. But when will this go away?